2006 - a year in review?

It started out in January, as most years usually do.
I was in Calgary, going to school. This went on for four months. I made some pretty interesting friends in these four months... Also, I was supposed to go to Costa Rica, but our flights all got mashed up cause of snow in TEXAS! I know.. Can you believe it? So instead of spending the week in Costa Rica, I spent it in ... Edmonton... Woooo hoo? I got terribly sick while I was there, which was an added bonus. Then in March, my family came to Calgary because my great uncle passed away - and I turned nineteen too. April I got to say goodbye to my interesting friends and the good ones, and take a fourteen hour bus ride to Vancouver - that was a HOOT! Ok so that was done, I started work back at subway,until Summer.. Dad was scheduled to have surgery on July third, so mike and cara came to ladner, gave us a week and a half to plan a wedding, and got married in Auntie Anns Backyard - it was a pretty fabulous affair!
Then I went away to Tijuana, Mexico to build houses and wow was it ever an amazing trip. Whilst I was in Tijuana, my dad had brain surgery, which was slightly stressful, what with bieng in TJ. But he managed to come thru it which was a blessing ... You should have seen it, every fifteen-twenty minutes on the worksite, we stopped and prayed for my dad.. FABULOUS!
Anyways. So I came back from TJ and quit my subway job (what a liberating feeling) then drove to Hinton (had to stop there, dad had some troubles) on the way to Vermilion to watch mike and cara get married.. again! It was a pretty good wedding, slightly emotional, but good..Yesssss.
Ten days after we got back from Alberta, I went back to Tijuana with the intentions of spending a month in a womens shelter, and that only lasted five days. I got horribly sick and it just wasnt working out there, so I moved to the orphanage, and fell in love with the kids and everything about the place. I will go back when I can!
October - I got a job at starbucks, I pretty much love working there. So I've been working ever since. Dad's been sick so there's been alot of changes around the house and in our lives, but we've tried our best to work through them.

This last week of 2006 has been most difficult, dad's been in the hospital, yes, even through christmas - and it's just been rough. He's still in there, so after I get off work today, Im going up there to see whats hood.

This year has been interesting, that's for sure. Lot's of bad stuff - and some good stuff too, lots of lessons learned, which I will talk about some other time (dont be friends with drug dealers!!) and such and such.. Anyways...

Hope your years have been all around fabulous. it's definately been a slice..

Next year? I can't even imagine.. what i WANT is for dad to get better, for me to move out into my own place, and to go to TJ for a month or something cool like that.

Somehow, I get the feeling that things dont always go as planned by me.. so i'm just gonna leave it at that..

Have a good day guys, enjoy life to the fullest!

Luv Ashley
xoxo

uhh

This is just to let you know, I don't know how often I'll be on the computer for the next little while, some serious stuff has gone down with my dad, and so he's in the hospital now, and I think most of my days from now until further notice will be spent there with him, if I'm not at work.. So If I dont write or email you, please be understanding. I will get back at you eventually..

Today on my way to work I was driving and I heard this song that went like this:

Now she hasn't slept in weeks
She don't wanna close her eyes cause she's scared that he'll leave
They've tried just about everything but
It's getting harder now For him to breathe
than she says
Daddy Daddy don't leave
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you
Daddy Daddy don't leave
The doctors are saying things they don't mean
They don't know what they talking about
Somebody hear me out
Father listen
Tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go
Father save him
I would do anything in return
I'll clean my room
Try hard in school
I'll be good I promise you
Father, FatherI pray to you


If you think about it, could you keep my dad and our family in your prayers? That would be much appreciated anyway...

Have a really great christmas with your families or whomever you are with this year - May God bless you always


Love ashley xoxo

the woes of shopping at wal-mart

I've decided that Capilano mall is a good place to go, if you want to run into people that you don't like.
I know these people, see? who live on my street - and I don't really like them.. I think it's really wierd that I don't ever see them on the street that we both live on, I never see them when i drive past thier house, nothing.. Yet I've managed to see them three times in Cap Mall...
And today we nearly had a physical collision! I think I'll stop shopping at cap mall.. hahahah

Also - i was even more shocked cause I didnt think these particualr people were even in the country... wierd!

Anyways

That's all I have to say about that...

Im excited cause it's almost christmas..

xoxo

five days to christmas

and I'm sitting at the dinner table, having this conversation with my mom, who decided to be my go-between in a conversation with God..

So here goes:

Ashley: What do I do with my life?

"God": I think you should move to Lloydminister

Ashley: Whaaaaaaat?

"God": Yes.. it's cheaper out there. You'd be close enough to your brother and sister in law and yet far enough away..

Ashley: and what would I do there?

"God": Go to school - ultimately, get married

Ashley: To whom?

"God": Some godly man out there.. And you can have a denali..

Ashley: You mean a pick up truck, right?

"God": Yeah.. isn't that what a denali is?

Ashley: Try a seventy thousand dollar really really nice truck

"God": Ok.. Move to Lloyd..

Ashley: ....... we'll talk later ..... Lloydminister.. HAH

you can run but you can't hide

I was thinking today about the power (fury?) of God - thru nature and such and such...
We think our socitey is so advanced, that we're prepared for anything - that we are so powerful and strong and BIG -but let me tell you something - no matter how far our civilization advances - it will never be able to stand up to the power of God ...

Can we do this with a breath?


how about this? ?


I don't think so


This tree.. must have been three stories high , three or four feet wide - uprooted...


This is cates park.. imagine this.. 20 times worse - and you have stanley park..
How powerful are we???? hmmmmm

100 Things about me

Im doing this cause I thought I would challenge myself - can I think of 100 things to say about myself? We'll see. So it's not in any particular order, it might be random, but whatever.
Enjoy...

1. I am nineteen
2. I have green eyes that squint up when I laugh
3. my feet are cold
4. I bite my nails when I'm nervous / uncomfortable (they always short)
5. I'm addicted to myspace.com
6. I love christmas music
7. I work at starbucks
8. I have a big brother who just got married
9. I had a cat for 18 years of my life.. the same one!
10. I just got my hair cut and got bangs for the first time in eight years
11. I'm in love with music
12. I've actually seen someone live that my brother hasnt.. U2.. aahahahhaha shame on you
13. I love to travel
14. I've been to Jamaica
15. I've driven to mexico
16. I went to school in calgary for a year
17. I've jumped off a balcony into a snow bank in -40 degree weather
18. I love to sing
19. I actually do like some country music (GASP)
20. I actually don't like chocolate
21. I want my own cel phone
22. I listen to rap music
23. I dated a guy for two years.. who lived in a different country..
24. "Kite" by U2 is my favourite song by them
25. I want to move into my own apartment
26. Im beginning to wonder if I can actually think of 100 things to say
27. I like to wear black shirts
28. I own 20 pairs of jeans (sick, hey?)
29. I used to be scared of planes
30. I want to learn Spanish
31. Sometimes I swear too much
32. I actually wore a pink dress once.. last summer
33. I love kids
34. I do want to be a teacher
35. I love having braids in my hair with extensions
36. I love all my family - even though they piss me off sometimes
37. I keep saying I'll never follow fashion trends.. but then I find out they look good on me..
38. I've worn the same necklace since grad
39. I like candles
40. I wish I had a romantic boyfriend
41. I want to get married and have kids and be happy
42. I'm really not enjoying life at the moment
43. I wish my dad wasn't so sick
44. I wish my moms didn't have to work like she does
45. my room can almost always be guaranteed to be messy
46. I like cooking
47. I dont like ground beef
48. I wrote an article in the newspaper once..
49. I was in a broadway show - and had a crush on the star
50. I've had alot of crushes.. and I could list them in chronological order..
51. I went to the same summer camp for ten consecutive years
52. I like my water with ice up to the top - then water
53. I love to read
54. I haven't dyed my hair since ummm.... it was short and blonde (yik)
55. I really do love Nova Scotia
56. when I drink, I tend to talk alot....
57. I love photographs
58. sometimes thunderstorms still scare me
59. I don't really like coffee - yet I work at starbucks
60. I love driving and I wish I could drive across the country
61. I like hats - but they dont always look good on me
62. I love shakespeare
63. I love summertime - I only wish it was as carefree as it used to be
64. This is the first job I've had that I actually love
65. I wish my family were together this year
66. I used to hang out with gangsters.. it was a bad scene
67. I love the sea
68. I wish I could fly
69. I am ready for a change of scenery.. need a new apt.
70. I can't stand gwen stepfani
71. Scary Spice was my favourite spice girl
72. I like the color red
73. every time I fly, Im nervous about loosing my luggage
74. I will NEVER understand girls and how some girls just can't be there for thier man and it PISSES Me off alot
75. I love boots
76. silver is my favourite shiny color
77. I dont like yellow gold jewelery - platinum or silver, or white gold
78. I've made a TON of mistakes
79. I've been baptized in a church - three times
80. I really want to go up to the top of a lighthouse before I die
81. I get scared of fish and stuff when Im swimming in oceans and lakes
82. I love disney movies (old ones, not the new shit coming out)
83. sometimes small things make me feel really good
84. My grandpa made me really happy this christmas
85. I love the sun
86. I used to hate when boys wore baggy pants, but now if they're tight i'm grossed out
87. Emo boys - not a fan
88. I don't like when people scream instead of singing (screamo?)
89. I like it pitch black dark when Im sleeping
90. I could talk on the phone for HOURS ... and have!
91. I like my hair straight rather than curly, but would never get it permanently straight
92. I wish I was more organized
93. I've kept a journal for a LONG time - mostly since grade 10 and a certian boy
94. If I had to save one thing from my burning house, considering all my family was safe, I'd grab my pictures
95. if I had to spend a year on an island with one other person I would choose Sam (no offense anybody)
96. I will never get bored of email surveys
97. I love wrapping presents
98. I like acting
99. Im a poser
100. I love my blog and I wish people would update more often..

two days without power

wow what an intense winter this has turned out to be. first we get a ton of snow then we get wind and rain and twice - we have lost power. It's been interesting, and these last two days have actually made me think alot about some stuff. one of the things i've thought about was my family. For us to just sit around and be together - was wonderful! and with nothing else to do, that's exactly what we did. we all sat around the living room, wrapped up in blankets infront of the fire, and we talked, we listened to the radio (running on batteries) and we kept the fire going... It was good family time, and I wish that we would do that more often - it's good for us.
Last night was hilarious, we roasted hot dogs on the fire in the living room.. who do you know who's roasted hot dogs in thier living room? and a couple of marshmallows too.. It was so great.
So yeah I was thinkin how the family should do stuff together more often, stuff that doest revolve around the TV or computer. So yeah in our lives, those two things are big distractions. Even if we would just sit in the living room more often together and read or whatever... it was a good time to be together.

Umm what else did I think about - oh yeah - how unprepared we were for emergencies! We didnt have candles, (which is pathetic, considering this is the second time we've lost power) we didnt have lighters, we didnt know where our camping stove was (finally found it outside) and just wow! we also didn't have enuf canned food or whatever it may be to keep us going - i was just thinking, what if one day we loose power AND are trapped in the house! Then we're screwed! But we did alright - now we have candles and firewood galore, we got enough lighters to back us up, we know where the stove is and we're stocked up on water and food and such.

anyways.. these last two days have been kind of like an adventure. I've never looked out my window into pitch black darkness before - but this time I looked outside and looked to my left and to my right and allll of deep cove was silent - and dark ...
It reminded me of the song "silent night" and then when it started to snow - it made the silence even more complete. To some the darkness might have caused fear or irrationality, feelings of insecurity, blah blah - but me? I felt a peace wash over me that I haven't felt in a long time.

So Im sitting on my couch looking out the window and i hear this voice : "I am the light in your darkness, I am your shelter from this storm, you have nothing to fear - just turn to me and I will hold you, I will keep you and your family warm"

So that was pretty sweet..

Yeah.. we made it thru the darkness -

So it's seven days to christmas - and God thought we could use a little lesson on family..
Nicely done, if you ask me..


Love always
Ashley
xoxo

the grand canyon

"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised, and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing, I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you a future to hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be dissapointed. "
- The Message (the bible in contemporary language) , by Eugene H. Peterson

You have no idea how much this alone encourages me, and discourages me at the same time. I know my God's there. I know he's got everything covered, that even though it doesnt seem right, his plan will prevail - and his plan is only filled with goodness and mercy and love.
but yet there's that clause - "WHEN you get serious..." I want to be serious about finding God. I want to be serious about my relationship with him. I want more than anything for him to be my number one passion in life. I dont want anything else.. But yet I still hang on to the things of this world - I wish it was easy to let them go. I wish it was easy to stop sinning. To stop making this canyon between me and God bigger and bigger still.. But I dont know what to do ..
I dont know how to make it right again. Sometimes it seems like my sins are too big.. right now that's how it seems.
I saw someone today who made me think about my brother, and who made me wonder how he got through - some stuff. How he got to where he is today, how he has such a strong relationship with God. It made me wonder how my brother had given up the thing he had gotten into, how he was strong enough to stand up to it and move on with his life.. cause I can't seem to do that. im constantly craving the things of this world. I want to learn how to be in the world and not of it. But it's so damn hard! I dont know how people do it..

yes, this is my desire. I want to live for God, I dont want anything else ... but yet I can't seem to let it go?

I've seen You calm the waters raging the rivers of my mind
Your spirit blows a breeze into my soul
And I've felt the fire that warms the heart
Knowing that it comes from You
Then I've let it turn as cold as a stone
Sometimes I feel like I'm as close as your shadow
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking up at You
from the bottom of the Grand Canyon,
so small and so far
From the Grand Canyon, with a hole in my heart
And I'm a long way from where I know I need to be
Cause there's a Grand Canyon between You and me
I've had the faith that gave me strength
for moving any mountainside
I've felt the solid ground beneath my feet
But I've had the bread of idleness while
drinking from a well of doubt
And it shakes the core of all I believe
Sometimes I feel like I'm as close as your shadow
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking up at you
from the bottom of the Grand Canyon
so small and so far
From the Grand Canyon, with a hole in my heart
And I'm a long way from where I know I need to be
Cause there's a Grand Canyon between You and me

the devil went to the raven

today my family got a money order in the mail from an anonomyous person..
God is watching over us..

also - I covered a shift today at another store. It was interesting.


I dont seem to have as much flowing onto the computer as i've got flowing thru my head right now..

I guess I'll leave it at that for now..

It's almost christmas.. and I'm broke..

Oh I saw the devil today..

Fun stuff...

I can't escape the rain

do you ever feel sometimes like everything you do is fruitless? like no matter what, nothing you can do will change the situation you're in? Sometimes I look to the future and all I can see is two feet infront of me, what I'll be doing next week, mabye the week after that, if Im lucky.
I can't see how my christmas is gonna go. I can't see how January's gonna go.. I can't see anything right now, but the rain, and it's driving me crazy. All I really want is to know whats really up, to know what my life is gonna look like - when I was younger, I was safe. Highschool for the next five years! I know whats up! then all of a sudden that security's gone and all I've got is a life where I can't see from one day to the next. I don't like it. I don't feel like I have any control, and I know overall, Im not in control, but It was always so nice to know what was gonna happen. I hate this, living and not knowing what or who im living for. I hate not knowing who my friends are gonna be next year, cause I mean, everyhthings changing. Friendships that I thought would last forever are suddenly reduced to a couple of people saying Hi once in awhile - even my family is different. And Family's supposed to be the one thing that I could always count on to be there - but it's all changed. And I HATE it.
I feel exposed, I feel lost, I feel like this life that Im living is ... minimal.. void of importance.
No.. I'm not gonna go do something stupid, but I just feel shitty today.. And I guess I've been feeling this way for a long time.

i dont know what to do with myself -


Well everything has changed
It'll never be the same
Nobody knows me man
But everybody knows my name
And I feel so ashamed
I never been the kinda person that would complain
But it's so crazy man
It's no different
Everyday it's just the same thing
And I just wanna knowIf anybody out there's feelin' me
I'm losin' my mind
And I can't believe
I let this shit get the best of me
And now I gotta let ya know
This has got me insane
Cause I can't stand the rain
It's hitting my window pane
A little too much
And now I gotta let ya know
this has got my face in a frown
Cause I can't stand the sound
Of the thunder that's crashing down
Upon my house
Now I gotta let ya know

cut my hair!

GUESS WHAT GUYS ! ! ! !

So I got haircut.. heheheh Im so excited - when this girl was cutting my hair i was like - oh my god, im gonna die - my haaaaiiiiiiiir!

But its lookin good if i do say so myself. I got my paycheque and I was like, screw it, I need to do something for myself, and I figured this was a good thing to do - and I was right, it made me feel really good about myself, so ya im excited.

Here I am :



anyways - holllla at ya girl
xoxo

arg

I went to work today at around one pm.. In my first ten minutes of making drinks, I had three cups with little tiny holes in the bottom of them. That was so frustrating. All of a sudden my order was sitting in a puddle of .. whatever... and I was like.. wtf..
I dropped three things today. It was irritating. Thankfully, I didnt make any drinks wrong or do anything stupid like that - it just seemed like everything was against me today.

Then I have to come home and listen to my parents bicker..

Im going out.

Mabye my bad luck will follow me.. Hoooo hooo fun

arg

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah fucking stressful day

Never took the time

A moment ago it seemed
You were here with me
And everything seems to be the same
What am I supposed to do
with all these empty rooms?
Sit here in solitude
with the smell of you

You never took the time to know me
you never took the time to understand
You knever took the time to notice
cause loving you was all I ever had

This wasn't what I wanted to be
A girl in misery
I look back a thousand times
can't believe the way it has to be
Why can't you understand my pain
How Can I explain
I dont know what I did wrong
I can't believe our love is gone

I guess you never took the time to know me
and you never took the time to understand
You never took the time to notice
loving you was all I ever had

Seycove...

Sure, every cent of money goes to the music or drama department, and never the tec. room. What do you expect when everyone's parents are the richest pot heads in Canada?

At Seycove, we believe in CLASS

We go down to the Cove and eat better sushi on our breaks then most of the world eats ever.

We don't get why Mr. Walter, Mr. Langille, and Mr. Osif don't wear pants.

We know that Mr. Walter's current wife is Mr. Burns ex-wife.

We know that Mr. Earl and Mrs. Thomas hooked up on a Outdoor Ed trip, while they were both married to other people.

We never saw it, but we heard that Mrs. Williams chocked a kid/threw a chair at someone/locked a kid in the closet.

We haven't heard of anything outside the cove. But that's okay, they haven't heard of us either.

We hooked up in/know someone who hooked up in the upstairs room of the old music room.

We had more rain-caused indoor days in gym class then normal outdoor days.

When we say we walked up a mountain to go home, we're not lying.

We're all rich, but we like to pretend we're poor, so as to obtain more street credibilty.

We don't go downtown, where the street actually is.

We've all seen Mr. Yip scratch his balls with.... anything, anything at all.

We all felt awkward when the sex-ed nurse talked about her sex life with Mr. Bell.

We watched Madam Goodman play the spoons. We stole them from her.

We've been drunk in Cates Park.

We know that Under The Volcano might as well be called 420: Part 2.

We know that the Jostine's lady is a front: Mr. Lee is in love with grade 9 girls.

We know Mrs. Barter will win the Christmas Hamper competition every year.

We know what Mrs. Cook is drinking. And we want some.

all the children of the world

For the children of the world
Every single little boy and girl
Heaven plants a special seed
And we must have faith for these
Red and yellow, black and white
They are precious in the Father's eyes
Like the Father may we see
That they have a destiny
And give them the light of love to lead
Through the darkness around us now
To a place where hope is found

lose control just once

I know I talked about this already, but Im telling you, im so passionate about helping people who are less fortunate than myself, I can't help but want to talk about it! Last night I was on the phone with Gerald and we talked for an hour an a half about it - it turns out that he feels the same way about alot of the stuff I do.. He learned alot about me last night, all because I finally opened up and talked about something other than him. I finally opened my mouth and started telling him how I feel about things, which is probably good for our relationship... : )
anyways, I read him my article, which is what really started the whole conversation. he was so shocked, he couldn't talk. No Im not bragging, but I guess we had never talked about this kind of thing before, and he didn't know I had an opinion about it. So when I read it to him he was shocked into silence. He was so impressed that I wrote that and he said it made him think, and that it must have given alot of other people something to think about..
We got to talking about everything that's going on in this place we like to call home (North America, I guess) and we talked and talked and it was sooo good. I loved it, because I found that he is passionate about the same issues as I am, although his are slightly more politically based. I find that he tends to find the root of the problem, where as I am more concerned with doing something about it.. There's nothing wrong with either one, because without knowing the root of the problem, how can we solve it? Anyways.. This is kind of a mixed blog, both about Gerald and my love for helping people. Because we talked last night and I sort of let slip an Idea that I've been thinking over the last couple weeks. I am thinking that when I am farther along in the company, like a manager or something, then I can transfer over to a starbucks in southern california.. Then I can work in Tijuana... for alot less than it costs me to come from up here.
Mabye even one day just open up an orphanage or childrens home and live in Mexico for the rest of a looooong time. I think of that and my heart just starts beating like crazy, thinking about how much more help I could be to the people who captured my heart with a look..
I am so excited, and so mixed up at the same time. Can I really leave my family? Is this dream possible? is this dream what GOD wants in my life, and not just what I want in it?
Last night, Gerald asked me, "what if you have a husband up here?"
And I said "then mabye he'll be willing to make this his dream as well".. Is that right? is that selfish of me? Im wondering, with that question, if I need to worry about something like that right now.. im gonna go with a no.. That's something I can worry about when it comes.. If it's ever an issue at all.

Anyways.. just some thoughts. I want to serve God and the people of Mexico.. and It occured to me that this might just be one way I can do it..

nuff Love for tonight and always
Ashley
Xoxo

mission in life :

[X ] You have a boyfriend
[x]You have your own room.
[ ] You own a cell phone.
[x] You have an mp3 player or ipod.
[x] Your parents are still married.
[X] You love your whole family.
[X] There is a pool/spa in your backyard.
[x] You dress the way you want to.
[ ] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[ ] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[ ] You haven't been beaten up
[x] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[x] Your room is big enough for you
[x] People don't use you for something you have.
[x] You have been to the movies.
[ ] You have over 500 friends on myspace
[x] You have pictures on myspace.
[x] Your parents let you have a myspace
[ ] You get allowance/loan.
[x] You collect something normal.
[x] You look forward to going to college
[ ] You don't wish you were someone else.
[ ] You play a sport.
[ ] You do something after school
[X] You own a car/truck/dirtbike.
[x] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[X] your appearance, you're happy with it
[X] You have never got a failing grade on a report card in your life
[x] You have friends.
[x] You know what is going on in the world.
[x] You are happy with your life
[ ] You usually aren't sick.
[X] You know more than one language
[X] You have a screen name.
[ ] You own a pet.
[x] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[ ] You don't have any enemies
[x] You are happy where you're living.

Total over all: 26
Times it by 3 : 78%: B


Is this accurate? I think not.. If I were to judge my life by my standards, and then compare it to the lives that I have seen in other countries (Mexico, even Jamaica) i'd have to say that my life right now stands at an A+

Sure there's shit goin down, my dads sick, we can't pay all the bills. but you know what.. We're alive. We got a roof over our heads, that's not made out of rotting plywood, or worse, cardboard. At least we have groceries in our fridge.. We have clothes on our back, and a washing machine to clean them all in..

Face it folks.. Im damn lucky.. God has blessed me...

And believe it or not, he's blessed you too. You are on the internet right now.. Some people haven't even seen a computer..

Im discovering my passion, a little bit at a time, and Im really loving it..
( I think Im gonna be a missionary)

Honestly, when stuff about my culture get's me down, and im feeling like Im so blessed, and that I have so much (even tho by the worlds standards, I have so little) I can see that God wants me to use it to give to people who don't have that much!
And to be honest .. im down with that..

I want to see Jesus lifted HIGH

paradise

I've kissed your picture every day you've been gone.
I call all the time but you're never home .
I know you're working, and that ain't wrong.
But I just need you here with me.

Cause you see most days,
it's a glass of whiskey, and a shot of beer
Im crying in streams, I dont cry in tears
and you've shown me something
that through all my years,
I've never seen before.
yeah you've shown me something
that through all my years,
I've never seen before.

I could be in paradise, I could be in hell
im so numb that I can't even tell.
My heart is screaming, and I can't yell
and you're too far away to hear me cry.
So I drink myself to sleep
almost every night.

well I'll return and then you'll leave
I guess I'll see you in my dreams
So go on darling,
Spread your wings
and when you're flying, fly back to me.
Cause you see most days it seems like the hours they all repeat.
It's hard to dream when you can't sleep.
And you've shown me something, that through all my tears
I've never seen before.
Yeah you've shown me something
Through all my tears I've never seen before

I could be in paradise, I could be in hell
I'm so numb that I can't even tell.
my heart is screaming, but I can't yell
and you're too far away to hear me cry
So I drink myself to sleep
Almost every night.


Lyrics by: Sam Bradley

daddy don't leave

she hasn't slept in weeks
She don't want to close her eyes
cause she's scared that he'll leave
They tried just about everything
It's getting harder now
For him to breathe
And she says

Daddy, Daddy don't leave
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you
Daddy, Daddy don't leave
The doctors are saying things they don't mean
They don't know what they talking about
Somebody hear me out

Father listen
Tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go
Father save him
I would do anything in return
I'll clean my room
Try hard in school
I'll be good I promise you
Father, Father I pray to you
Please don't let him go
I'm begging you so

There open his eyes
Need a little more time
To tell him that I love him more
Than anything in the world
Daddy's little girl

it's been awhile

Hey folks.. Today has been a great day. I walked to church this morning, it was a good service. Except Johnny mo thought he'd be smart and shut the screen of my computer off for powerpoint, and it screwed up the whole thing. But we got it fixed.. It's allll good.

Then I came home and chilled out for a bit, then decided to get on my boots and coat and go for a walk in the snow.. That's right. I said snow. By now there's at least four or five inches on the ground.. If you know van city, you know that this doesn't happen often.
But here we are. It's pretty much silent when you walk through the streets of the cove, because we just arent used to this weather, so no one wants to drive. Any kids who are out playing are either in thier backyards or the park, so everything's quiet. The snow is falling gently all around me, and everything's just perfect.

It was a wonderful walk. I can't say there's been many times in my life when I've gone for a walk and the whole world is quiet around me. It's a totally calming experience, almost like the peace of God (which passeth all understanding) is falling down on me with each individual snowflake touching my face. sometimes it's just good to just have silence.. normally that doesnt happen outside, but when it does - man it's beautiful..

I don't know. guess I just wanted to tell you about the peace I felt today when i was out there. BUt you really gotta be there man.. It's something only you can feel, you can't feel it thru me, you can't see it without your own eyes, you just gotta feel it on your own..

Tonight, my moms and I set up our christmas villiage.. It's pretty fabulous..

and it's still snowing..

Love you guys

xoxo

guess what

SNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOW



HEHEHEHEHEH THIRTY MORE DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS AND SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW

City life

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.

I feel like bieng romantic.. in TWO languages!

Te prometo que eres mi amor
I promise you are my love

Te prometo que eres mi corazón
I promise you are my heart

Te prometo que eres mi vida
I promise you are my life

Te prometo nunca estaremos separados
I promise we will never be apart

Te prometo siempre confiar
I promise to always trust you

Te prometo nunca hacer
Te llorarI promise never to make you cry

Te prometo no mentir
I promise never to lie to you

Te prometo es Tu por siempre
I promise to be by your side always

Te prometo tu amistad es mi vida..
I promise your friendship is my life

Te prometo qe eres para siempre
I promise to always be there for you

Te prometo qe eres esta noche
I promise you tonight

Te prometo hasta el final
I promise you I’ll see you to the end

Te prometo ser Tu mehor amiga
I promise to be your best friend

almost famous

sometimes I feel like a celebrity.. well.. that's a lie.. I've felt like a celebrity twice in my life. Once when I was in Joseph, and I was something like ten or eleven years old, and I spent three or four nights a week on a stage downtown vancouver. I felt like a celebrity when my name was in a broadway brochure, and when I was in a TV commercial, when of all the kids on the stage, I got lifted up on Simieons shoulder to do some crazy thing during the megamix...

The other time has been the past couple of days, when at work, almost everyone I know tells me how much they liked my article.. that's right.. see that post below this one? It got published.. Heheheheheheh in the local newspaper.. Im kind of excited. I know it's no big deal, but hey.. That's cool anyways..

So that's all I have to say about that...

im going to bed now..

Hahahha I SUCK

Love ashley
xoxo

Boil your water! !

Today is more along the lines of an upset day.. or at least an upset morning. as you know, I work at starbucks, and many people are very particular about thier coffee. Here's the thing, we can't make any drinks today, because we are not allowed to serve our water. (due to all the rain, the water sheds have become contaminated) We can't make coffee because it is basically water. We can't make espresso or lattes because the shot is pulled through water. We can't steam any milk because the steam was from the dirty water. We can't do anything to do with coffee. And for alot of people coming into the store, this is the biggest disaster ever. No coffee?! God in heaven what will we do!?

Im am upset. Not because people were rude (although some were), but because OH MY GOD, WE HAVE TO BOIL OUR WATER. Here's the thing.. At least we have water. At least we have a way to boil it on our stoves. At least we don't have to get our water from a dirty hole in the ground. At least we're not dying from lack of water.

People think that it's a disaster, an inconvience that we now have to boil our water. Well this has me really upset, first of all as a girl who's been to a couple of places that don't have clean water. Second of all, as a girl who's looking to go on a trip based soely on the fact that people in Seje don't have water at all. As a girl who has just witnessed a woman buy a dozen bottles of water at two fifty a piece, instead of taking the time to boil water on the stove.

Im really frustrated. OF course, I don't want to let this get to me, but it really has. This is not a disaster. No coffee in the morning before work is not a disaster. Children dying every day of dehydration.. that's a disaster.. BUt for us.. it's not here. it's in some far away place that doesn't effect us.. And so many people don't even think about it before they complain that they have to boil thier water. Before they complain, and ask how they're going to get through the day without thier morning cup of coffee.
Think about the kid who doesn't complain even though he doesn't even have a morning cup of lukewarm water..

Think about him next time you can't get a cup of coffee.

Then mabye you'll think twice about complaining..

who in thier right mind..

spends seven hundred dollars.. on a PS3?

Im spooked beyond belief..

how does one describe the spookiest experience they've ever had without actually sounding corny? Is it possible? Can I tell you how spooky my day was without you thinking I'm a loser face? well, we will just have to see ..

The spookiness really started so early in the morning that I would still consider it nightime. I woke up to this huge crashing sound, that sounded like someone was screwing around in the woodpile right by our front door. Disoriented and a bit frightened, I rushed to the bottom of the stairs, but decided I was too spooked to open my bedroom door incase there actually was someone or something outside the front door. So I plugged in the christmas lights that we plug in from downstairs (the ones on the tree and the porch) in hopes that if there was something there, it would get spooked by the lights and leave. My heart was beating like crazy, well?! what do you expect, it's the middle of the night and I hear this huge crash! So yeah I was spooked, but the unplugged the lights and went back to bed..

then I woke up this morning at four thirty (I was opening starbucks) and got ready for work. When I went outside it was to absoloute darkness and the heaviest rain I have ever encountered in BC. I've seen heavy rains in other places, but not like this morning. Then just as Max and I got into the store the whole sky lit up with a brilliant flash of lightning, followed by a ground shaking clap of thunder. Ok for alot of you this is cool, but it's five am by now, and Ashley doesn't like storms in General, and it's even worse when she's in a place that's nintey percent windows.. when it's dark outside. Woooo it was freaky. So Im at work until ten fifteen Am and all morning the lights are flickering, trees are lashing against the window, rain pounding the glass and everything outside. That's creepy enough.

Ok then the rest of the day went alright, until I went to youth group early in order to help with set up.. and discovered that the only people in that whole church (at five thirty PM on a wednsday night) were Duane and Jen and Sammuel.. That's SPOOKY! for any of you who've ever been to NSAC, it's never empty.. Especially not on a wednsday evening.. NEVER..

So that's wierd. Then the rest of the night is alright, sort of average until Im on my way home and decide to stop for Gas at the Esso on the low road. Ok by this time the rain has stopped. I step out of my car only to be greeted with - silence. Honest to God. No radio coming out of the annoying speakers, no cars driving by, just absoloute silence. That's wierd. Wait - it get's worse. The silence gets pierced by the sound of the whistle of a train. Ok that never happens. They don't blow thier whistles when they're coming into North Van! They don't ever do that! but all of a sudden it's silent and BLAST - a train whistle. Im just gonna take this moment to say that the sound of a train whistle has to be one of the lonliest sounds in the world. Can you honestly think of any other sounds that are so lonely? Ok then if that wasnt random enough, then the wind picks up so much that I can actually hear it howling. Ok now Im spooked more than I already was, then I hear this bell, that sounds exactly like the buoys out in the ocean in Cape Breton.
It was so spooky, because I wasn't close enough to the ocean at this gas station for me to be able to hear stuff like that. So I went inside the store, (lights flickering cause of wind) and pay for my Gas ($20.01) and then I get back into my car - and my fan that I bought to clear up the windows - is running ... Ok that's not so bad.. but when you consider the fact that the fukkin thing wasn't plugged in... im not even joking you.. Don't ask me to explain that to you, I can't.. But I was freaked out.. and Still Am..

Man.. Today was spooky..

That's all I have to say about that. I hope tomorrow.. isn't spooky..

this is the worst weather We've seen in a long time. Bridges washed out, buildings practically destoryed. Craziness ova here. Absoloute Craziness.

Oh and my brother is a pastor.. that's cool.. but wierd.. veeeery wierd..

Goodnight - here's hoping for a normal sleep tonight..

Love always
Shle
xoxo

PS. People have started actually calling me Shle.. that's wierd when it's not whit or Tom..

wow......

my brother's a pastor!!!!! hehehehe

Congratualtions mike and cara! I love you both!



Love ashley
xoxo

No doubt about it

It's official.. I have a new love in my life.

Diego Luna..

ooohhhh what I wouldn't give to dance with this man

mmmmm guapo... guapo guapo guapo.. and it helps that he has a beautiful Mexican accent.. and beautiful Mexican hair.. and that he can dance..

reading

well helllooooo. No matter how I type it, it just doesn't seem the same as when I say it.. You know what I mean? I don't really think there's any way to explain that, other than things just arent the same written as they are said.. Behind spoken words you can put so much more. Hey I know how to elaborate on this one. You've all been on MSN before. Have you ever had a conversation where perhaps someone said something and you totally took it seriously, when in all reality they were bieng sarcastic or funny? You couldn't tell! Wanna know why!!!!? Cause not alot of people can put emotion into written word. Im speaking of course, only on a small scale, written conversations, one or two words here or there. Things are so different when it comes to stories or poetry and such. There are people out there who can write with such passion that you can feel the emotion with every single word you read. People who can write like that are fantabulous and make my life so exciting.

I started out blogging five minutes ago not having a clue what I was going to talk about. But here I am. You know what one of my passions is? Reading. I absoloutely love reading, but it's not often that I can find a book that actually keeps me enthralled from start to finish. Some of you may hate me for saying this, but I could not for the life of me, get into the J.R.R Tolken Books. I couldn't, I read the Hobbit from beginning to end and never wanted to stop reading a book so many times. Sometimes I'll read a Danielle steel Book, but honestly, once you've read one, you've read them all. Someone has a happy life then something horrible happens that disrupts everything, and then it takes them awhile to find happiness again in the bed of a next person.
yeah.. Obviously, I love Harry Potter , but there is only so many times I can read the six books that are out. If Rowling would write more Im sure I would read more..
Then there's Stephen King. He's a fabulous writer, I've read only two of his books, Dolores Claiborne and then Misery. I would like to get my hands on some more of his books, but some of them are a bit tooooo much if you know what I mean. I read two pages of pet cemetary I think, or was it Cujo? Either way, I read two pages of it and was freaaaaaked out so I didn't finish it. Alas, Mike has gone and taken all his books with him.
Ok you know who else I love? Nicholas Sparks..
I must have read seven of his books last year alone. However that's not saying much, his novels tend to be rather short and sweet. I loved the Notebook (duh) and A walk to remember.
It's easy to say that I really love Romance novels. Only if they're good. Not sleazy, and believe me, there's a TON of sleazy romance novels out thurr.
This leads me to write to you about Lori Wick
She's pretty much fantastic. She wrties Christian romance, both historical and .. now.. How do you say it? i dunno, anyways.. She writes such fabulous stories that once I start reading a book of hers, I have to read it start to finish. She is original, she doesn't do the same plots over again, each charachter is unique and just all around fabulous! when Im reading her books I can see everything in my mind..
She's pretty fabulous. Anyways.
Im gonna go ..

I pretty much like to read..

TTFN!

roll out

So last night I went to work at around eight thirty. Now some of you would think this to be strange, because starbucks closes at nine. Who starts work half an hour before the store closes!? Oh I do.. Last night was roll out. This means that we took down all our merchandise and our fall signs and everything that isn't christmas, and replaced it with Christmas stuff! It's so exciting, all our signage has changed to reflect the oncoming season, we have decorations galore, all our mugs and things are christmas themed, and it's just awesome! So we started at nine, and were planning on finishing around one am, but it ended up that it took us until three thirty in the morning! wooo it was so fun! we put on music (not starbucks music) and ate pizza and it was great! I was off at twelve thirty, and I went out to New west to go see Gerald, it was cool, then as Im driving back home, I noticed they were still in the store doing stuff, so I went back and stayed with them till 3:30.. It was a good bonding time, I love my manager and assistant manager, and it was just a great time..

Yeah that's all I have to say about that..

Im out for now..
Holla

Ashley

hee hee hee too funny!

Hey read these jokes.. I've said it before and I'll say it again - laughter is great for you!
Give er a try - thanks to mitch hedburgh

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy, y'know. Refrigerator, Toaster, Blender. You just say what the thing does, then you add "er". Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute: "What's this thing do?" "It keeps stuff fresh." "well, that's a 'Fresher'... I'm going on break."

I hate dreaming because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, y'know, like there I am laying on my comfortable bed. It's beautiful... next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man. I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend, "Don’t even act like you didn't get that doughnut." "I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home... in the file... under 'D'."

Y'know when they show someone on TV washing their hair under a waterfall? That's bullshit, man, cuz that thing would knock you on your ass.

I saw a lady with a flower. She was plucking out the petals. She was saying, "He loves me... he loves me not." Thank god the flower can't talk. What would it say? "SHIT! That hurts! Ah! That hurts as well. OW, leave me alone. I'm no longer pretty... and he loves you not. I could have told you I had an even number of petals!"

I have a cheese shredder at home, that's a positive name for a cheese shredder. They don't call it by its negative name, cause no one would buy it: sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge... that would melt easily over tortilla chips.

There's a commercial on late-night TV for this thing you attach to a garden hose. It says, "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product." Who the hell would make their plants hard to reach!? That seems so very mean. "I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully, they'll invent a product before you shrivel and die. Think like a cactus!"

The depressing thing about tennis is no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're friggen relentless.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here. Gotta go.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I went to the store, bought eight apples. The clerk said, "Do you want me to put 'em in a bag?" I said "Oh no, man, I juggle! But I can only juggle eight... if I'm ever here buying nine apples, bag em' up!"

Foosball messed up my perception of soccer. I thought you had to kick the ball and then spin 'round and round. I can't do a back flip, much less several... simultaneously with two other guys... that look just like me.

People teach their dogs to sit. It's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

can't think of an original post title

Ok I seriously want to have a baby just to be able to see him laugh like this kid. It's so beautiful.

Anyways, all that aside. I am having such a great time at work. I have never worked in a place that I've had so much fun. My manager at KFC was good, but then all the employees were ass-holes. My manager at Safeway was a cow, and that just didn't work out. We don't even need to get into subway, we all know what a nice guy Ranjit was. But seriously, My manager at starbucks is fabulous, she's so much fun, and she actually works hard to make sure that her employees are happy! How fab is that!?

Anyways.. I feel like I really don't know what else to blog about, because as of now, my life is only my work. I have nothing else to talk about!

OH IM SUCH A LIAR! I met Aidan this weekend. For those of you who don't know, (everyone but whitney) Aidan is whitneys new boyfriend! And Of course, I had to approve of him before anything else could happen! I met him this weekend, and I have never ever seen Whitney so happy. That made me happy. From what I saw he treats her like royalty, and he's super fun and they're just adorable together.
WOOOO that makes me uber excited. I guess that's all I really have to say about that.

I dunno, I just felt like blogging.
I guess Im gonna run for now, cause I really have nothing to talk about.
How sad..

Love always
Ashley

PS the new Evanescence Album is really awesome

Laughter

I love Laughter.. Thought this little one could brighten up your day..

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

Yeah we're a little early.


But you love it..

51 more days..

Love always
Shle

Xoxo

craziness!

you know, my last seven blogs have been about Buff and this whole situation, I think it's time that I move along, not so much that I forget about him (obviously) but to the extent where I don't dwell on the situation anymore.. What's done is done, and I can't live for the rest of my life in pain or in regret.

Yesterday my mom and I took out just a little tiny bit of our christmas decorations. We decided we would lighten the mood in the cove by turning on our christmas lights outside. This year I went CRAZY with the lights. We normally just do the house and that's it. But this year we did the house, the bush infront of the house, the porch, the railing on the stairs, and the tree that mike planted while he was still in elementary school (which is HUGE now)
It's so exciting. So yeah November first, the Schalins have thier Christmas lights up and on.

And so tonight when I came home from work with my peppermint mocha in hand (sooo goood) I felt sooo happy. I've said it before, and lots of people must think I'm crazy, but I love Christmas sooo much. To me it isnt a time of year. to me it's a feeling inside that just makes me sooo happy.
It's a feeling I get when I look at the lights twinkling in the snow (to be read: rain), when I see the christmas trees in the lot up at parkgate. When I hear christmas carols. You know how it goes. it just makes me insanely happy. And Im glad that I have something that can do that for me.

Im going to bed, Im opening starbucks tomorrow morning at five am! Wooo hoo!
By the way, that's going soooo goood! this is a job that can turn into something fabulous! We'll talk about that later!

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

Letter by Katrina Molson

To everyone who knows and loves Buff,

Some of what was said by Rev. Marianna Harris at Buff's memorial today was uncalled for and inappropriate. Many of us in attendance wanted to stop her but we stayed silent out of respect for Buff's family. That being said, I would like to take this opportunity to speak my piece on what was so coldly stated about the matter of Buff's suicide.

Anyone who knows Buff knows he would never intentionally hurt anyone. It was not in Buff's nature to consider how many people he touched in his short life. It was not in his nature to think about the multitude of people that would mourn his loss so profoundly.

That man had one of the biggest hearts we will ever have the honour of knowing.

It was suggested that he took the easy way out. It is not our place to decide which way is right or wrong, easy or difficult. It was his choice. It was what was right for him, and ended what must have been extreme suffering on his part. It is not our place to speculate as to the cause of Buff's decision to take his life, but to sympathize with our great friend and his struggles that ultimately caused him to leave us.

I asked Rev. Harris after the service why she had chosen to address a persons suicide in this manner at his own memorial and she told me that she didn't want anyone to try to imitate his actions.

I think we can all agree that to imitate Buff at this time would distress him greatly and this would not have been his intention at all.

I really do not know how to end this, all I can say is that I hope Buff has found peace. He will not be forgotten.

Sincerely, Katrina Molson

Avalanche

Does it make me a coward if I don't really want to know the reason why Buff did what he did? Does it mean that I am scared of the truth? Some people would say so. But you know what, I've heard the "truth" and weather or not I believe it, it doesnt matter. What I have chosen, is not to let the "truth" change my perception of who Buff was. The Buff I knew was a kind and gentle soul. The man I knew always put others before himself. The Buff I knew wouldn't hurt a soul.

What's really sad is that the rumors or facts (Whatever) that are coming out right now are really going to hit some people in the face - and they're going to change what those people thought about this man. They're going to make them look twice and think - mabye he wasn't really as good as we thought. But Buff did what he did in a broken state - To me and my family, Buff will always be the person who forgets what he's doing in order to carry some womans food out to her car when he sees she can't manage. Buff will always be the man who sacrifices of himself to help others.

Nothing anyone can do or say will change that.

So because I dont want to hear any more of this truth that is coming out - does that make me weak?

I don't think so. It just means that I've heard it, I accept it, but it's not the Buff I want to remember.

I want him to rest in peace. What is done is done, and we don't have to forgive Buff. He's already been forgiven. We don't have to judge Buff. Human Judgement just leads to more wrongs.

I want to let it go. I wish everyone would do that, but I know that this isn't the last I've heard about the situation. I know it'll be on everyone's lips for awhile to come.

All I can do is pray for strenght for those who have to hear it.

Blessings
Ashley
Xoxo

Lift up His name with sounds of singing
Lift up His name in all the earth
Lift up your voice and give Him glory
For HE is worthy to be praised

Holy Crappy

I've never been more disgusted with a church organized, church led function in my whole life.

It was wierd enough for me that the minister of the church was an older lady, and it got about twenty times worse when she got up and started talking about how Buff made a bad decision, and that there were other ways he could have dealt with his pain. I was ready to get up and leave when she talked for a couple of minutes about how if anyone is in pain, that we shouldn't make the bad decision that Buff did. How he should have dealt with it better. How he was wrong. How he dissapointed everyone. The woman actually had the nerve to say "Buff should be sorry that he hurt you all, because that was the last thing he did." I have never been more insulted or disgusted in my life.
AND she said his name wrong.. Four times...

Honestly, who gets up at a funeral and insults the person who dies? Ok, so Buff did make a poor choice, but you know what, we weren't at the church to talk about that! We werent at the church to hear how stupid it was... we were at the church to mourn his passing and to celebrate his life.
and Im very glad that I calmed down enough to actually do that. Im glad that I could do that.
But as I replay the service in my mind, it just doesn't make sense to me.

Anyways.. That was that.

So I saw alot of people today that I haven't seen in a long time. It was really nice, but disgusting that we had to come together under those circumstances.

so now I have a headache. Im going to go try to relax..
So yeah.. Peace out gangsta! !

"Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me
Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be,
With God as our father, brothers all are wel
Let me walk with my brother, in perfect harmony"

move along

well.. today is the memorial service for buff. It's gonna be real strange, all these people coming together who havent seen each other in a long time. It's been years for some graduates, and just days for students. We haven't had the service yet, but I know that it's gonna be huge. It's amazing to think just how many lives this man has touched, how many people cared about him, and how many people are very sad to see him gone.
Today will be a sad day. But we're going to celebrate his life today, not mourn his death.
It's gonna be hard.

anyways.. I hope you all have a good day, I'll write more this afternoon..

Much love
Ashley
Xoxo

hallelujah

I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

hallelujah...

well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

hallelujah...

baby I’ve been here before
I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when I moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

well, maybe there's a god above
but all I’ve ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

Rest In Peace Buff

Rest in Peace

there's something ridiculously painful about the loss of a friend, but I think the pain is 20 times worse when all you can picture is thier face right before they make the choice to end thier own life.

RIP my friend - I wish I could picture you soaring with angels instead of into the waters below the bridge - mabye in time.

GOD BLESS FOREVER

bah

have you ever said something in anger that you didn't mean? Im sure we all have, after all, we're humans right? well doesn't it make you feel like shit?

sometimes all you can do when you put your foot in your mouth is to apologize and see what happens next..

*Sigh*

three thirty in the morning

it's three eleven am on saturday morning, and im wide awake. I haven't been to sleep yet.. Im up because I have to take my auntie to the airport, she's flying back to Michigan today. It's been a week that she's been here, and it was alot of fun! I hadn't seen her in seven years, and so it was pretty fab getting to know her again..

Anyways.. I haven't really got the mental capacity to write a proper blog. But just wanted to say it's been super cool having her here. I hope I can go to the states to visit her and her fam sometime..
Money's not the easiest stuff to come by at the mo' tho.. so yeah..

Anyways.. I'll blog again soon

Love always and forever
Shle
xoxo

PS Whit, you rock my sox! and im so excited!

im bored..

1. What does your MySpace Name mean?
- shle is my nickname that whit's bro gave me, and it just stuck

2. Elaborate on your default photo.
-it's me.. with my new sunglasses on and straight hair

3. What's your middle name?
- Evelynn Ann

4. What is your current relationship status?
- Im dating someone

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
- Assuming that my crush is my boyfriend, yes

6. What is your current mood?
- frustrated

7. What do you love most?
- singing with passion

8. What makes you most happy?
- my friends and family (And boyfriend)

9. Are you musically inclined?
- yeah

10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
- I wouldn't have ever gone to Jamaica

11. If you had to be an animal for one day, what would it be?
- a lioness

12. Ever have a near death experience?
- not that I know of

13. Name one thing you do a lot?
- read books

14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
- Usar mes manos - a song I heard while I was in Mexico

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
- Jeremy Potter

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you.
- I don't know anyone with my birthday

18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience? Where?
- yes, while I was in Joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat (the broadway production) and in alot of school shows - i was the tinman in The Wizard of Oz at school, and much more

20. What are the things you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
- honestly, i notice hair first, but then eyes and smile

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
- only when Im feeling depressed

26. Do you have braces ?
- no

27. Are you comfortable with your height?
- I kind of like bieng shorter than everyone

28.Name something funny that always happens to you?
- nothing funny happens to me


29. Do you speak any other languages?
- bits and pieces of french and spanish

30. What's your favorite smells?
- outside after rain falls, and everything christmas, as well as boy..

My New Job

So I just had my first ever starbucks shift, and even though I didn't actually take any customers, I learned quite alot and it was uber fun! So the whole thing started out basically with me and my manager (Sara) talking and going through these books and pamphlets and stuff, and it was kind of draining - but to keep me company I had a Caramel Macchiato (not sure if I spelled that right) It was my first official coffee experience. Enjoyable - wierd, but enjoyable. Umm then we did alot of walking around and learning about different stuff, in general I enjoyed it.. By the end of the night, (he was high as a kite once again, ten points if you know that song) we got to the part where I got to learn how to make Allll the cold blended coffees on the menu, and the iced teas and stuff, and in general it was just uber fun! I made about 9 different drinks, and ended up taking them all with me, cause I didn't want to throw them all away! I gave some to the people who worked at Nectars, (the greek resturaunt next door) and the rest are sitting in my freezer. Im not sure how that's gonna work out, but whateves.
Anyways.. Work was alot of fun, I know alot of people and it's just gonna be great - I get the feeling that Starbucks, once Im confident in myself enough to know all the recepies and stuff, is gonna be the type of place I look forward to working at. The great thing about starbucks, that I figured out long before I got hired, is the community that exists, not only within the staff, but everyone.. The whole deal with starbucks, is that they want to be in the community and a part of it, and contributing to it and also the environment..

The mission statement of Starbucks is to: "Establish Starbucks as the premier purveyor of the finest coffee in the world while maintaining thier uncompromising principles while they grow."

and it was just super great, because I had this conversation with my manager about values and that sort of thing, and, I know it's corney and no one really cares, but they have some awesome values for thier employees, and I really agree with them and these values and the mission are really what drew me to say yes after the interview.. Not that a job was basically bieng handed to me, cause it was, but because I honestly felt like this would be a positive environment for me to work in, and it just lined up with some of my values and stuff like that..
So they have six core values, and they are :

1. Provide a great work environment and treat each other with respect and dignity.

2. Embrace diversity as an essential component in the way we do business.

3. Apply the highest standards of excellence to the purchasing, roasting and fresh delivery of our coffee.

4. Develop enthusiastically satisfied customers all of the time.

5. Contribute positively to our communities and our environment.

6. Recognize that profitability is essential to our future success.

So yeah.. Overall, Im just happy with the way things seem to be run at starbucks, with the values and mission, with the way they treat thier employees and customers, and with the whole working environment. I will admit, working at starbucks isn't going to be an easy job with no stress or problems, but hey - you can't expect that from any job, or you're living in a dream world.. So that's what up -

Peace and Love for today and always

Ashley
Xoxo

PS. I also found out that Sara, my manager, worked at the same wrap zone that mike worked at, probably around the same time! She said she thinks she remembers, but it was like 6 or 7 years ago.. Anyways.. that's that for that. I hope y'all have a great day, or night, whenever it is you read this.. Love you all

Whos getting married?

HA HA
I Dreamed about my "cousin" getting married and I was trying so desperately to get out of going to the wedding, and my grandma was getting pissed off at me and it was just overall amusing.

I hate scary dreams

Ok I had the CRAZIEST SCARIEST MOST RIDICULOUSLY RANDOM dream I've EVER had in my whole life..

So.. Im driving in Calgary - with Julie Jamieson - when all of a sudden - these twisters - tornadoes - like 10 of them - start up.. and those things are like my worst fear come true, for real! So randomly Im in this car, and these things are coming at us - and one picks us up and all of a sudden, Julies gone and im walking around with my Grandmother! We are on the phone with mike who's with Cara in his Old Car - and then we loose him on the cel (musta been those dern tornadoes) and then Grandma and I get into this building - she decides she wants to take the elevator - and Im like - not a good idea, and as soon as she gets in there, the building tilts over, and im up and climbing sideways outside a window - then I find micheal - we're walking down the streets of calgary avoiding these buildings that are just toppling over (FRIG THIS WAS A SCARY DREAM) and mike and I take shelter in another building - and he decides to be an idiot and go into the elevator, and as Im pulling so hard on his arm to get him to stay out of it, I wake up - Obviously there was more to this scary dream, but this is all I can remember. Like SOOOO MESSED UP!

I dont even know what to say aside from I HATE TORNADOES AND FRIG!

Ok Im cool -

Im gonna go to bed now - tomorrows my last day without work - then monday tuesday im working, wednsday I have youth, thursday friday saturday im working, and sunday im helping with a fundraiser at KMS tools.. Im gonna die.. inbetween all of this my aunt from Michigan is here and I gotta spend time with her, as well as tomorrow my grandma, aunt, uncle and thier three kids are coming over for dinner, and sometime this week I'd also like to see my boyfriend - man Im gonna be busy..

Anyways - im out for now

MUCH LOVE
Shle
Xoxo

Reality

These past few weeks at home have really been eye-opening for me. Not only have things changed here, but I have changed as well.
Ever since my trip to Mexico, upon which I base my change, things have been soo good. Ok, so my dad is sick, and that's been really hard to deal with, but now I feel I can deal with it in a more positive and encouraging way, both for me and my family. Instead of dealing with it by hiding in my room and my music, as I once would have, I think I have learned to face it head on. There is not much I can do about my dad's sickness, but instead of returning it with anger, I have tried to deal with it in a patient and loving manner. Of course, Im not nearly perfect, and I have snapped at my dad now and then, today even.. But I've noticed now that it's getting better.
I look back now and realize that I did not deal with my moms sickness well at all. I remember writing in my journal, something along the lines of never bieng able to deal with it at all. I wonder how bad things would be in this house if I chose not to deal with my dad's as well.. at least when mom was sick, I had mike living at home and able to help me out of trouble and to shut me up when nessicary. But as I said - things are different now. True, I am older, I have learned alot since those days, some things good, some I learned from heartache. But I have learned.
When I was in Mexico, I often spent hours at a time in silence, just thinking my life over. There were so many things I could see that needed to change, and I finally took those final steps to change them. Over the past year, I've been saying "yeah, I need to change," but never doing anything about it..
I am so thankful that I finally was able to move on from the life I lead these last two years, hopefully into the person that God has called me to be.. Or at least closer to that person..

This is a scattered entry, but it comes from me. I figure if you're reading this, you know me, and so it makes at least a little bit of sense..

I love ya, thanks for reading..

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

In Christ Alone, my hope is found
he is my light, my strenght, my song
this cornerstone, this solid ground
firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
when fears are calmed, when strivings cease,
My comfortor, my all in all,
Here in the love of Christ I stand

what dreams are made of

Yesterday, I had my first ever vegetarian thanksgiving. It was pretty sweet, actually, I had scalloped potatoes, Corn and Yams. Mom made ham, but I just wanst feeling it. So Yeah that was a random little tidbit I wanted to share with you.

Today I was visiting my mom at her work, and when I stepped outside to leave, I saw behind my car, a deer and her baby fawn! It was sooooooo friggen cool, and I fed them an apple, and some cheezies that I had in my car! The momma deer actually ate out of my hand. It was the coolest experience ever.

That's all for today.

I love life, it's pretty sweet..

yeah so peace out, I hope your thanksgivings were uber cool


Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

How great is our God?

I honestly don't think that we humans can even comprehend the answer to that question (how great is our God?) there is no end to his greatness, his power, and his amazing love for us.

I was just looking at a few pictures of nature, and just thinking about a time when I climbed Black Tusk in Squamish with my Geography 12 class, and how when I was standing ontop of that mountian, I felt like I was ontop of the world. I felt at that moment like there was nothing I wanted to do more than to Worship my creator, the one who made the heavens and the earth, and the one who knows the number of hairs on my head. The one who knew me before I was born. The one who loves me no matter what foolishness I get up to..

God is sooo good..

Without God, there is no hope.. Im glad that I have hope..

xoxo

Alexisonfire

Wow last night was intense-crazy.
I was in the front of the crowd at the Croation Cultural Center for the first two sets, A band called "Cancer Bats" and another one called "Attack in Black" Either way it was interesting. The place was absoloutely full of Emo kids and boys with long hair and tight pants. (This will never be ok with me) Anyways, most of you know what it's like to go to concerts where people like to jump around and be crazy.. I have bruises on both of my arms, the size of baseballs. It's friggen ridiculous. As soon as Alexisonfire actually came on the stage, things got too intense for me up there, and I could barely breathe, I felt like I was drowning. I know this is dramatic, but I bet if you were there, you would have felt the same way. I had to get out, and so I pushed and shoved my way to the back of the hall, where I stood out the rest of the concert. I'll admit it, the music wasnt actually that bad. Nothing I would ever go and buy in the store, but I did enjoy it when they weren't screaming. They put on a good show. It was hard to see them through all the smoke in the room (can you say POT? I was worried that if we got pulled over they'd think I was smoking it) but it was an alright concert. It was fun to spend time with Nicole, whom I rarely see..
Anyways.. that's my alexisonfire concert experience. I am very sore right now, from all those Crazy kids (younger than me but taller by a foot) pushing and shoving and elbowing and bieng nuts. Anyways.. that's about all for now..

Except that I've noticed something. While I was in Mexico, I dreamed almost every night. I didnt expect to come back home and start having dreams. I NEVER dream at home.. but I've had at least three random dreams since I've been home. One of them was last night, and just wierd. It revolved alot around Mexico and the people there, but also involved the whole situation with Treston, and just the things he did to me, but they were bieng done by another guy.. It was random.. wierd.. Didnt like it too much.

Anyways.. Much love for now..
Im out - going to Park Royal with my dad, just cause we can..

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

Here are some Lyrics from Alexisonfire. Very .. Emo? Depressing? Whatever. It's not my scene

This town has its claws buried in my neck
This town, it takes lives, without mercy, without hate
The streets are in distress
The sun suffocates behind darkened skies
The grass is growing on top of my feet
I'm sinking, won't be long, before I'm too deep to run
The line up seems endless
Underneath the salvation signs
We are the dead ones, we are the lost cause
We are the bend before the break.
Our steps seal our fate
Because this city, this city is haunted
By ghosts from broken homes

Im yours

Im such a horrible person.. What kind of girl goes to Mexico for a month and then doesn't blog when she get's home!?
Obviously me..
Anyways, enough of that. Mexico was an interesting experience for real. The first week I spent in a womens shelter, and it was pretty horrible, because I got super sick and things just weren't working out there. So after four days of not eating and all sorts of other nasty illness-like behavior, Sergio Gomez came to pick me up, because Pete had called him from Canada, cause things just weren't bieng taken care of, anyways.. He took me to a doctor, and I had to get all sorts of medicine to make me feel better. At that point, I was ready to be home, in Vancouver, anywhere so long as I wasnt at the shelter anymore.
Sergio asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my time in the Orphanage, and I said I would give it a try. From there on out, the story is simple. I fell in love with the kids and everything to do with the orphanage. I went with them to get thier school uniforms and shoes, I drove them to school almost every day, (I wasnt 'driving' but I went with them)
Israel and his wife took amazing care of me, they took me to Rosarito, where I spent the afternoon with them at "Fox Studios Baja", where Titanic was filmed, and X-men and all that stuff.. it was sooooo great.
I also spent a couple of days in Ensenada, with Israels family, which was just as great, if not better than fox studios. Either way, it was great. I ate mexican food, I learned alot of Spanish, I worked very hard to avoid the very cute boys who were soooo hard to resist..
To sum it all up, because I dont want to write a 20 page update (not right now anyways) I fell absoloutely in love with that childrens home, the kids, the staff, everything. As of right now, Im planning to go back, if not for the whole summer, at least for a month. Something like that.
God will provide if he wants me there.

Umm so whats new in my life? Today I went to Capilano College and asked about application procedures, and the guy in the Registrars office said, as I was leaving, "welcome to Cap College" and i was thinking .. "Dude, I havent even applied.. That's pretty sweet"
So, if things go well, I'll be going there in January.

Also, I got a job at Starbucks.. It's rather amusing, I went to the Park and Tilford location, and asked for an application, and the manager asked me if I'd be willing to apply at the Dollarton location (which is 10 minutes closer to my house) She called the manager at that store, and told her my name.. I went there around one o'clock with a filled out application form and a resume, and Sara (the manager) asked me if I could stay for an interview right then.
To be honest, it was the best interview I've ever had, I felt relaxed, and the questions were not easy, but at the same time, I thought them through before I answered, and I did really well. I must have, because she offered me a job right then and there. I start next week. Im excited, because it's something different, but at the same time, it's something I know I'll enjoy doing.

Also, I am going to be working on youth staff, which is going to be interesting for sure. We'll have to see how that goes. I mean, my last couple of years at NSA youth were really frustrating, but I hope this year I can have patience and just adjust to the way things are, and if im not ok with it, Pray about it and do what's right.. anyways, we'll see how that goes..

Im really excited right now cause Whit's coming home for the weekend, and then Im going to see her at Universtiy next weekend, cause it's almost her birthday..

Anyways.. that's a short update on my life at the moment.
I missed blogging! I think I'll do it more often ..

Love you all
Love Forever
Shle
Xoxo

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love
listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melody
It's your god forsaken right to be loved
So, i won't hesitate no more,
it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate,
i'm yours

Beautiful One

I´ve decided to blog about the people at the shelter, and thier random habits or traits.

but first I want to say that I love this internet Cafe.. Every time I come in he has English christian music playing. It´s so encouraging. Right now he has ¨Blessed Be the Name of The Lord¨Playing. It´s sooo good. I really love it..

Ok so people and random Charachter Traits..

First of all, there is one mom who is at the shelter, who has the longest hair I´ve ever seen, and the brightest smile. Wanna know why she has the brightest smile? CAUSE SHE´S GOT GRILLS!! hahahah for those of you who dont know what Grills are, they are somehting you put over your teeth, and they´re gold, silver, platinum, whatever you want.. Usually people who think they´re cool like gangsters get them.. It´s funny. Anyways, I still haven´t caught her name, but she has two kids, named Papito and something Spanish like Naomi or something.. I havent caught it. Anyways, those two kids look more vietnamese than Mexican. But it´s cool. They´re cute kids.

Then there´s America. She´s 11 months old. Randomly, she likes to scrunch up her nose and make wierd noises. She´s cute, I´ve got pics of her doing that..

Next Is a little boy, Named Chi-Chi.. That name is funny in itself, if you know what Im talking about. Most of you won´t however. So Chi-Chi has three amusing traits. 1. He likes to call me Chely cause I dont think He can say Ashley ... 2. If he doesnt have food all over his face and hands, he has snot.. all the time.... 3. His pants are always halfway down his thighs.. He´s crazy!

Then there´s Mirasol, who actually left today. She reminds me of a friend of my mom´s, named Margaret. She´s tiny like her, and has long black hair, and she has three kids. Two of them are the brattiest I´ve ever met, and one of them is uber cute. Her kids names, in Chronological order, are Suzanna, Angel, and Angeles.. Girl, boy, Girl.. Brat, brat, adorable.. That´s how it goes.

Then there´s Yolanda! I love it because last time I was here, there was a woman on our team named Yolanda, and we had this discussion about how her name is very uncommon..
So yeah. She is a mom, and her trait is that I have never seen her hair.. She always has a bandanna or a hat on her head.. ít makes me curious.. but it´s cool..

There are more people here, but those are the ones so far who stand out to me..


This morning I was thinking alot. I was thinking about my mom.. I guess it´s cause of all the moms i see around here, right ¿ Anyways, i was thinking about how much I love her, and how much I want to be like her when I am a mom.. I want to have a little girl and do all the things my mom did with me. I want to color with her, I want to read with her, I want to watch disney movies with her, I wantg to walk with her to and from school, I want to have picnic lunches with her at the park, I want to build a fire on a rainy night and eat chineese food from the take out.. I want to make Christmas crafts and hang them on the tree, and make her proud of them.
I want to go to Cultis Lake every summer and to Ioco on saturdays in the summer.
I really love my mom.. I miss her alot right now, I guess bieng around all these kids with thier moms do that. I miss bieng a little girl.. My mom was awesome.. she still is..

LOVE YOU MOM! (I love you too Dad)

Im out for now..

Love alway s
Ashley
xoxo

crazy

Wow it´s crazy that I am back in Tijuana again.

However this time it´s so different. I dont know why I expected it to be the same, this time I´m on my own in a womens shelter. I am the only one who speaks any english.

And as of right now, I have the flu.. Oh man.. this is not good.

these kids are bratty, but Im dealing with it.

It´s been a good experience for me, I think, bieng the only one who doesnt speak Spanish, cause it´s taught me to be still and to talk to GOD. To be still and Know that even though I feel alone, He is with me..

Anyways.. I´ll write more later, I have to get back to the shelter.

Peace out

Umm Im back ..?

So I´m back in Mexico..
This time it´s so different! I dont even know how to start describing it. I am living and working in a womens shelter. There are about seven women and all thier kids, which is about 20.. Yeah so it´s interesting for real. Anyways.. It´s kind of like I got thrown in there, Sara took me to an orphanage, where she ¨Gave¨ me to her sister, who took me to the shelter and left me there. You wouldnt believe it! there isnt a soul at the Shleter who speaks any enlgish.. So That´s why I feel sort of alone, you know?

BUT im not ever gonna say that God left me, cause I just walked into this internet cafe, and the guy behind the counter has the newsboys playing.. Ok not my favourite Christian band, but encouraging all the same..
Anyways.. I am going to make this short, cause this internet isnt freeee!

Love you all... Email me if you get the chance, I would love to hear from you ..

Love always
Ashley
xoxo

It's a beautiful day today

The ending of that crazy chapter

T --

Here we lay, face to face once again
Silence cuts like a knife as we pretend
And I'm wondering who will be the first
To say what we both know
We're just holding on to could have beens
That we should be letting go

It feels like you're a million miles away
As you're lying here with me tonight
And I can't even find the words to say
I can't find a way to make it right
and We both know that the stories ending
We play the part but we're jsut pretending
And I can't hide the tears
Cause even though you're here
It feels like you're a million miles away

Was it me or was it you that broke away
What we were was like the seasons
Love has changed
And everytime I think about it
It tears me up inside
Like the rivers of emotions
But I got no more tears to cry

We can try to talk it over
But we've walked that road before
Boy our song has played its last note
and we both know for sure
That it's time to close that door

It feels like you're a million miles away
As you're lying here with me tonight
And I can't even find the words to say
I can't find a way to make it rightand
We both know that the stories ending
We play the part but we're jsut pretending
And I can't hide the tears
Cause even though you're here
It feels like you're a million miles away

Fine thanks, How are you?

i have to make this relatively short, because of a few reasons..

3. I am uber tired (we just got back from vermilion, another post for another time)

2. I am wet (just got out of the shower)

and the number one reason that I have to keep this short

1. I have on fake nails, which make typing virtually impossible.. . but they're fun..

So im going to Tijuana in seven days, and I also sort of am seeing this guy.. his name is Gerald. I like Gerald.. so It's kind of exciting..
Like i said before.. another post for another time..

Love Forever: shle
xoxo

Sooo wow

So in another nineteen days, Im going back to Tijuana..

Tijuana, Vermilion

So I called Sara today.. Looks like I'll be going to Tijuana from september to october... HOLY!
That's uber exciting.

So yeah.. I'm headed back, I just gotta get all the little things planned.. Such as.. a plane ticket..
But you know, I'll be staying in the womens shelter, so i'll be sleeping and eating and all that for free.. It'll be great. I don't know what I'll be doing, but I'll be there.

We leave on sunday for Vermilion, it'll be good. Hopefully my brother and Sister in law will be uber nice to me and bring the Nintendo.. :)

I got my dress fixed for the wedding, so it fits and is pretty (if you like pink, which most normal people do) and yeah it's gonna be great..

Woooo

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

We're Baaaaack

It was a long three days on the road, but this time It was broken up a bit by a stop in Disneyland. It was fun, but at the same time, just so retardedly hard for me to deal with, because Selene and Sophia, and all those beautiful little girls in TJ, have a beach that's 20 minutes from thier house.. and they've never been to it. It just made me sad to think that I have all this luxury and they have nothing. But I dont know, anyways, I learned from a talk with Sara Gomez (Sergios Daughter) that I can't be disgusted with what I have, but thankful for it.. As well as realizing that I have what I have for a reason, and that I cannot be number one, Other people are more important..
I contacted Sara today, infact, fourty minutes ago, and she wrote me back right away.. I asked her if I could come to Tijuana for a month in the fall to volunteer in her shelter.. She wrote me back with a phone number and said YES! So I need to work this out, I'm kind of excited, I didn't think I'd be going back to TJ so fast, but the way things are going, it seems like I might.... That's awesome, na true?!
Anyways, things arent set in stone but hopefully things go as planned.. But hahah remember the whole thing with plans, and not to depend on them, so yeah I've learned my lesson, we'll just see how things go..

PEACE OUT GANGSTER

Mexico So Far

Hola once again!

Saturday , for me personally, was a wonderful day..God really blessed us , for as we arrived at the worksite, there was fog and cloud cover and a nice breeze to keep us cool. We prayed that the cloud cover would last for the day, and God answered that prayer and we were comfortable the whole day.

We started four new houses, three in the same area as before, and one a bit farther away.. The one that was farther away, is for a woman and her daughter, who has Lukemia, and they've been living in a van.. actually, we didn't know about this particular lady until we were halfway down to mexico, and Pedro recieved a phone call about her, seeing if we could do something for her. It turns out we're building her a house.. It's wonderful.. We met her on saturday morning, , and her daughter, and for many of us, it was unbelievable to see a little girl with Lukemia, who had so much joy in her heart.

Anyways.. We started our four houses, and we got four or five walls (one inside) out up by the end of it all.. It was a productive day. Tayne, Dara and I spent alot of the day with a group of girls who live in the community, and we had a real bonding sort of day with them. It's difficult to imagine, I guess, bonding with someone you can't really communicate with, but for us it was easy. We started out with all of us painting, which was a blast, because the little girls got right into it. then we ran around with them for awhile, playing soccer (football) until our ball found it's way under the tires of a truck, and then popped. :(
Then we started, somehow, on the subject of boys.. it turns out that some of the little girls think that the boys on our team are "Guappo" which, when spelled correctly, means "Good Looking"so we talked about boys in broken spanish for a good couple of hours, the girls tried to hook us up with each other, and all in all it was quite alot of fun. at one point, the girls started chanting the name of one of our boys, and he looked up from his work, and blew them a kiss, which in turn, made them all scream and jump and try to hide behind us.. It was quite the day.
At one point during the day, we were making the frame for the porch we were building, and all the little girls took turns driving the nails into the wood. I took alot of pictures of them doing it, and it was fabulous, we can say that our porch was built by that group of little girls..

Then, a young boy with a horse came down the road, and we somehow managed to all get rides on the horse, Tayne and Dara, and then Me with a little three year old girl. It was a fun day overall..

Sunday Came, and we got up for breakfast around eight thirty (We really got to sleep in) and all got dressed up and ready for church.. Here, it's practically unheard of for a man to show up at church in shorts, so Pedro came out of his room in a long pair of pants, and we all Applauded him, and laughed, it was good fun. All the girls wore skirts and shirts with sleeves, and we headed out to Church.. It was by far the most amazing church I have ever been to. We all sat in one area, along with some other non-mexican people, and we were surrounded by translators. The music.. was AMAZING! So upbeat, so loud, so joyful! They had a full band, and a full choir, complete with ladies who danced around with tamborines and streamers. It was the most wonderful, happy worship session I have ever been a part of. They even sang a song we knew, although it was in Spanish.. It was "We want to see Jesus lifted High".. Oh we had so much fun!For the message, the wife of the pastor spoke about how we are were set free from Slavery, just as Abe Lincon set free the slaves in his day, Jesus set free the slaves across the world yesterday, today and tomorrow. But she spoke also about how some slave owners kept the slaves ignorant to the law, and kept them as slaves, just as some of us are still slaves. But we have the power, through Jesus Christ to be set free, if only we would take it..
Wow, it was a wondeful Service. Afterwards, we talked with our interpreter, who was a wonderful woman, and who was very interested in what we were doing for the people of Tijuana..After Church, we all headed across the street to Carls Jr, a hamburger resturaunt, and it was a good time for all, as we sat together and discussed the upcoming carnival for the afternoon, and the service in the morning.

After a huge lunch (they make GIGANTIC burgers in Mexico!) we headed back to the College and many of us slept for a couple of hours, before waking up and heading out to our carnival, in a place called Olympia, where the youth group held thier carnival when they came here two years ago..
It started out slow, then Pastor Hosea asked us young people to walk about the neighborhood, advertising for the carnival.. Of course, none of us speak Spanish, so it was very difficult, but we managed to get a group of kids following us from a distance, until we showed them a soccer ball, and they came running to play with us.. It was a ton of fun. We had a live band, and hundreds of balloons, face paint, hot dogs, sodas, and little bags full of goodies for the kids. It was very well recieved, and when Dr. Hosea spoke to the crowd, one woman came forward and gave her life to Christ! It was an amazing experience, and we all just loved it to bits! I'm sure we'll all have tons of pictures to show you when we get home.On the way home from the carnival, we stopped and ordered nine gigantic pizzas, which were amazing, and only cost about 10$ each. and that was it for sunday!

We woke up Monday morning and all we could hear was the steady dripping of rain.. So we wander around for about fourty minutes, while Pedro and everyone decides what to do, and they thought it would be a good idea to pack up all the clothes we had gathered for the childrens home, and bring it out to them. So we did, and saw a little bit of the home, and then headed back to the bible college, to find that the rain had stopped, and so we went out to work! It was a beautiful day for building, with just the right amount of clouds to keep us covered from the brutal sun, and just the right breeze to keep us cool. We got a whole lot of work done too!

After our day at the worksite, we all came home and had some dinner, just in time for Sergio to come and talk to us and share his testimony.. It was fabulous! He brought Oscar (who is so incredibly hot) with him and Martin, and it was a great night. Oscar plays guitar, and so after Sergio's testimony he borrowed my dad's guitar and played for us for a long time. It was heavenly.. ohhhh man was it even heavenly.. It was a really fun night, I enjoyed myself.. Im gonna miss this place when I leave! :(

Tuesday was just another day at the jobsite. We got a ton of stuff done, but also were distracted by Sophia, Selene, Shima, Lucy, Anna, and Maria.. Those beautiful little girls! Ahhh
So yeah.. tuesday was just average..

As I predicted, yesterday was a very difficult day, as we had to say goodbye to all the kids on the worksite. two nites ago, after I wrote the update, I made some cards for the little girls, and figured out how, In Spanish, to tell them how much I love them and will miss them and how we have to go back home, and won't see them again. So we gave the cards to the younger girls, who were sort of confused, and were more interested in the pretty flowers and hearts we drew on the paper than the words. We figured that was fair enough, they're young, these things don't phase them. But as soon as I gave Selene her card, (she's 12) she stood there reading it and crying, and then for the rest of the day, didn't let go of us, and cried on and off. It was really hard to deal with.
What made it alot harder was the fact that Sophia, one of the girls, was scheduled to leave that day to go to the states to live with her grandparents, and so Selene had to say goodbye to her as well. So it was a really sad day for her, and us as well.We finished our houses, and we even built a ramp for ours, because the lady who's moving in has a grandson who is in a wheelchair.. It was so nice. I can't wait to get home and post my pictures on here for you all to see! After we dedicated the three houses, we all hopped in our vehicle of choice, and went to the next site, where Noel and his team were building. It just so happened that Sergio offered me and Dara and Tayne a ride in the back of his pick-up truck, which was SOOOOO FUN! And what made it even more fun was the fact that On the way, Sergio stopped the Truck and a whole load of young, cute mexican boys hopped on the back with us.. Ohhhh man.. Oscar, and Martin.. mmm it was great..

So we dedicated all the houses, then, on the way home, stopped in at the City of Angels childrens home, where Brynn is going to be spending the next three weeks. It was amazing, to go in there, and all of a sudden have a dozen children all around you, willing to hug you, willing to be friends with you, even though you've just met them. I think Brynn will do so well there, it's going to be wonderful for her, but difficult at the same time, to be there all alone!

Yesterday was Jon's birthday, he turned fifteen, so we had a Mexican Fiesta! Complete with a mexican meal, cooked by Lupe's family, and a pinyata (I dont know how to spell that, oops!) and just some great fun! The pinyata thing was shaped like Piglet, and I refused to watch it get killed. IT was so cute! awww poor piglet.. but anyways it was a ton of fun, and today, we're headed out to the worksite from last year, so it should be fun. Im sure I'll write again soon

Im headed home tomorrow!

Much Love and kisses
Shle
xoxo

"I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day
When It's cold outside
I've got the month of may
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (Guy, ahhah)"