lose control just once

I know I talked about this already, but Im telling you, im so passionate about helping people who are less fortunate than myself, I can't help but want to talk about it! Last night I was on the phone with Gerald and we talked for an hour an a half about it - it turns out that he feels the same way about alot of the stuff I do.. He learned alot about me last night, all because I finally opened up and talked about something other than him. I finally opened my mouth and started telling him how I feel about things, which is probably good for our relationship... : )
anyways, I read him my article, which is what really started the whole conversation. he was so shocked, he couldn't talk. No Im not bragging, but I guess we had never talked about this kind of thing before, and he didn't know I had an opinion about it. So when I read it to him he was shocked into silence. He was so impressed that I wrote that and he said it made him think, and that it must have given alot of other people something to think about..
We got to talking about everything that's going on in this place we like to call home (North America, I guess) and we talked and talked and it was sooo good. I loved it, because I found that he is passionate about the same issues as I am, although his are slightly more politically based. I find that he tends to find the root of the problem, where as I am more concerned with doing something about it.. There's nothing wrong with either one, because without knowing the root of the problem, how can we solve it? Anyways.. This is kind of a mixed blog, both about Gerald and my love for helping people. Because we talked last night and I sort of let slip an Idea that I've been thinking over the last couple weeks. I am thinking that when I am farther along in the company, like a manager or something, then I can transfer over to a starbucks in southern california.. Then I can work in Tijuana... for alot less than it costs me to come from up here.
Mabye even one day just open up an orphanage or childrens home and live in Mexico for the rest of a looooong time. I think of that and my heart just starts beating like crazy, thinking about how much more help I could be to the people who captured my heart with a look..
I am so excited, and so mixed up at the same time. Can I really leave my family? Is this dream possible? is this dream what GOD wants in my life, and not just what I want in it?
Last night, Gerald asked me, "what if you have a husband up here?"
And I said "then mabye he'll be willing to make this his dream as well".. Is that right? is that selfish of me? Im wondering, with that question, if I need to worry about something like that right now.. im gonna go with a no.. That's something I can worry about when it comes.. If it's ever an issue at all.

Anyways.. just some thoughts. I want to serve God and the people of Mexico.. and It occured to me that this might just be one way I can do it..

nuff Love for tonight and always
Ashley
Xoxo

mission in life :

[X ] You have a boyfriend
[x]You have your own room.
[ ] You own a cell phone.
[x] You have an mp3 player or ipod.
[x] Your parents are still married.
[X] You love your whole family.
[X] There is a pool/spa in your backyard.
[x] You dress the way you want to.
[ ] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[ ] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[ ] You haven't been beaten up
[x] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[x] Your room is big enough for you
[x] People don't use you for something you have.
[x] You have been to the movies.
[ ] You have over 500 friends on myspace
[x] You have pictures on myspace.
[x] Your parents let you have a myspace
[ ] You get allowance/loan.
[x] You collect something normal.
[x] You look forward to going to college
[ ] You don't wish you were someone else.
[ ] You play a sport.
[ ] You do something after school
[X] You own a car/truck/dirtbike.
[x] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[X] your appearance, you're happy with it
[X] You have never got a failing grade on a report card in your life
[x] You have friends.
[x] You know what is going on in the world.
[x] You are happy with your life
[ ] You usually aren't sick.
[X] You know more than one language
[X] You have a screen name.
[ ] You own a pet.
[x] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[ ] You don't have any enemies
[x] You are happy where you're living.

Total over all: 26
Times it by 3 : 78%: B


Is this accurate? I think not.. If I were to judge my life by my standards, and then compare it to the lives that I have seen in other countries (Mexico, even Jamaica) i'd have to say that my life right now stands at an A+

Sure there's shit goin down, my dads sick, we can't pay all the bills. but you know what.. We're alive. We got a roof over our heads, that's not made out of rotting plywood, or worse, cardboard. At least we have groceries in our fridge.. We have clothes on our back, and a washing machine to clean them all in..

Face it folks.. Im damn lucky.. God has blessed me...

And believe it or not, he's blessed you too. You are on the internet right now.. Some people haven't even seen a computer..

Im discovering my passion, a little bit at a time, and Im really loving it..
( I think Im gonna be a missionary)

Honestly, when stuff about my culture get's me down, and im feeling like Im so blessed, and that I have so much (even tho by the worlds standards, I have so little) I can see that God wants me to use it to give to people who don't have that much!
And to be honest .. im down with that..

I want to see Jesus lifted HIGH

paradise

I've kissed your picture every day you've been gone.
I call all the time but you're never home .
I know you're working, and that ain't wrong.
But I just need you here with me.

Cause you see most days,
it's a glass of whiskey, and a shot of beer
Im crying in streams, I dont cry in tears
and you've shown me something
that through all my years,
I've never seen before.
yeah you've shown me something
that through all my years,
I've never seen before.

I could be in paradise, I could be in hell
im so numb that I can't even tell.
My heart is screaming, and I can't yell
and you're too far away to hear me cry.
So I drink myself to sleep
almost every night.

well I'll return and then you'll leave
I guess I'll see you in my dreams
So go on darling,
Spread your wings
and when you're flying, fly back to me.
Cause you see most days it seems like the hours they all repeat.
It's hard to dream when you can't sleep.
And you've shown me something, that through all my tears
I've never seen before.
Yeah you've shown me something
Through all my tears I've never seen before

I could be in paradise, I could be in hell
I'm so numb that I can't even tell.
my heart is screaming, but I can't yell
and you're too far away to hear me cry
So I drink myself to sleep
Almost every night.


Lyrics by: Sam Bradley

daddy don't leave

she hasn't slept in weeks
She don't want to close her eyes
cause she's scared that he'll leave
They tried just about everything
It's getting harder now
For him to breathe
And she says

Daddy, Daddy don't leave
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you
Daddy, Daddy don't leave
The doctors are saying things they don't mean
They don't know what they talking about
Somebody hear me out

Father listen
Tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go
Father save him
I would do anything in return
I'll clean my room
Try hard in school
I'll be good I promise you
Father, Father I pray to you
Please don't let him go
I'm begging you so

There open his eyes
Need a little more time
To tell him that I love him more
Than anything in the world
Daddy's little girl

it's been awhile

Hey folks.. Today has been a great day. I walked to church this morning, it was a good service. Except Johnny mo thought he'd be smart and shut the screen of my computer off for powerpoint, and it screwed up the whole thing. But we got it fixed.. It's allll good.

Then I came home and chilled out for a bit, then decided to get on my boots and coat and go for a walk in the snow.. That's right. I said snow. By now there's at least four or five inches on the ground.. If you know van city, you know that this doesn't happen often.
But here we are. It's pretty much silent when you walk through the streets of the cove, because we just arent used to this weather, so no one wants to drive. Any kids who are out playing are either in thier backyards or the park, so everything's quiet. The snow is falling gently all around me, and everything's just perfect.

It was a wonderful walk. I can't say there's been many times in my life when I've gone for a walk and the whole world is quiet around me. It's a totally calming experience, almost like the peace of God (which passeth all understanding) is falling down on me with each individual snowflake touching my face. sometimes it's just good to just have silence.. normally that doesnt happen outside, but when it does - man it's beautiful..

I don't know. guess I just wanted to tell you about the peace I felt today when i was out there. BUt you really gotta be there man.. It's something only you can feel, you can't feel it thru me, you can't see it without your own eyes, you just gotta feel it on your own..

Tonight, my moms and I set up our christmas villiage.. It's pretty fabulous..

and it's still snowing..

Love you guys

xoxo

guess what

SNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOW



HEHEHEHEHEH THIRTY MORE DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS AND SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW

City life

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.

I feel like bieng romantic.. in TWO languages!

Te prometo que eres mi amor
I promise you are my love

Te prometo que eres mi corazón
I promise you are my heart

Te prometo que eres mi vida
I promise you are my life

Te prometo nunca estaremos separados
I promise we will never be apart

Te prometo siempre confiar
I promise to always trust you

Te prometo nunca hacer
Te llorarI promise never to make you cry

Te prometo no mentir
I promise never to lie to you

Te prometo es Tu por siempre
I promise to be by your side always

Te prometo tu amistad es mi vida..
I promise your friendship is my life

Te prometo qe eres para siempre
I promise to always be there for you

Te prometo qe eres esta noche
I promise you tonight

Te prometo hasta el final
I promise you I’ll see you to the end

Te prometo ser Tu mehor amiga
I promise to be your best friend

almost famous

sometimes I feel like a celebrity.. well.. that's a lie.. I've felt like a celebrity twice in my life. Once when I was in Joseph, and I was something like ten or eleven years old, and I spent three or four nights a week on a stage downtown vancouver. I felt like a celebrity when my name was in a broadway brochure, and when I was in a TV commercial, when of all the kids on the stage, I got lifted up on Simieons shoulder to do some crazy thing during the megamix...

The other time has been the past couple of days, when at work, almost everyone I know tells me how much they liked my article.. that's right.. see that post below this one? It got published.. Heheheheheheh in the local newspaper.. Im kind of excited. I know it's no big deal, but hey.. That's cool anyways..

So that's all I have to say about that...

im going to bed now..

Hahahha I SUCK

Love ashley
xoxo

Boil your water! !

Today is more along the lines of an upset day.. or at least an upset morning. as you know, I work at starbucks, and many people are very particular about thier coffee. Here's the thing, we can't make any drinks today, because we are not allowed to serve our water. (due to all the rain, the water sheds have become contaminated) We can't make coffee because it is basically water. We can't make espresso or lattes because the shot is pulled through water. We can't steam any milk because the steam was from the dirty water. We can't do anything to do with coffee. And for alot of people coming into the store, this is the biggest disaster ever. No coffee?! God in heaven what will we do!?

Im am upset. Not because people were rude (although some were), but because OH MY GOD, WE HAVE TO BOIL OUR WATER. Here's the thing.. At least we have water. At least we have a way to boil it on our stoves. At least we don't have to get our water from a dirty hole in the ground. At least we're not dying from lack of water.

People think that it's a disaster, an inconvience that we now have to boil our water. Well this has me really upset, first of all as a girl who's been to a couple of places that don't have clean water. Second of all, as a girl who's looking to go on a trip based soely on the fact that people in Seje don't have water at all. As a girl who has just witnessed a woman buy a dozen bottles of water at two fifty a piece, instead of taking the time to boil water on the stove.

Im really frustrated. OF course, I don't want to let this get to me, but it really has. This is not a disaster. No coffee in the morning before work is not a disaster. Children dying every day of dehydration.. that's a disaster.. BUt for us.. it's not here. it's in some far away place that doesn't effect us.. And so many people don't even think about it before they complain that they have to boil thier water. Before they complain, and ask how they're going to get through the day without thier morning cup of coffee.
Think about the kid who doesn't complain even though he doesn't even have a morning cup of lukewarm water..

Think about him next time you can't get a cup of coffee.

Then mabye you'll think twice about complaining..

who in thier right mind..

spends seven hundred dollars.. on a PS3?

Im spooked beyond belief..

how does one describe the spookiest experience they've ever had without actually sounding corny? Is it possible? Can I tell you how spooky my day was without you thinking I'm a loser face? well, we will just have to see ..

The spookiness really started so early in the morning that I would still consider it nightime. I woke up to this huge crashing sound, that sounded like someone was screwing around in the woodpile right by our front door. Disoriented and a bit frightened, I rushed to the bottom of the stairs, but decided I was too spooked to open my bedroom door incase there actually was someone or something outside the front door. So I plugged in the christmas lights that we plug in from downstairs (the ones on the tree and the porch) in hopes that if there was something there, it would get spooked by the lights and leave. My heart was beating like crazy, well?! what do you expect, it's the middle of the night and I hear this huge crash! So yeah I was spooked, but the unplugged the lights and went back to bed..

then I woke up this morning at four thirty (I was opening starbucks) and got ready for work. When I went outside it was to absoloute darkness and the heaviest rain I have ever encountered in BC. I've seen heavy rains in other places, but not like this morning. Then just as Max and I got into the store the whole sky lit up with a brilliant flash of lightning, followed by a ground shaking clap of thunder. Ok for alot of you this is cool, but it's five am by now, and Ashley doesn't like storms in General, and it's even worse when she's in a place that's nintey percent windows.. when it's dark outside. Woooo it was freaky. So Im at work until ten fifteen Am and all morning the lights are flickering, trees are lashing against the window, rain pounding the glass and everything outside. That's creepy enough.

Ok then the rest of the day went alright, until I went to youth group early in order to help with set up.. and discovered that the only people in that whole church (at five thirty PM on a wednsday night) were Duane and Jen and Sammuel.. That's SPOOKY! for any of you who've ever been to NSAC, it's never empty.. Especially not on a wednsday evening.. NEVER..

So that's wierd. Then the rest of the night is alright, sort of average until Im on my way home and decide to stop for Gas at the Esso on the low road. Ok by this time the rain has stopped. I step out of my car only to be greeted with - silence. Honest to God. No radio coming out of the annoying speakers, no cars driving by, just absoloute silence. That's wierd. Wait - it get's worse. The silence gets pierced by the sound of the whistle of a train. Ok that never happens. They don't blow thier whistles when they're coming into North Van! They don't ever do that! but all of a sudden it's silent and BLAST - a train whistle. Im just gonna take this moment to say that the sound of a train whistle has to be one of the lonliest sounds in the world. Can you honestly think of any other sounds that are so lonely? Ok then if that wasnt random enough, then the wind picks up so much that I can actually hear it howling. Ok now Im spooked more than I already was, then I hear this bell, that sounds exactly like the buoys out in the ocean in Cape Breton.
It was so spooky, because I wasn't close enough to the ocean at this gas station for me to be able to hear stuff like that. So I went inside the store, (lights flickering cause of wind) and pay for my Gas ($20.01) and then I get back into my car - and my fan that I bought to clear up the windows - is running ... Ok that's not so bad.. but when you consider the fact that the fukkin thing wasn't plugged in... im not even joking you.. Don't ask me to explain that to you, I can't.. But I was freaked out.. and Still Am..

Man.. Today was spooky..

That's all I have to say about that. I hope tomorrow.. isn't spooky..

this is the worst weather We've seen in a long time. Bridges washed out, buildings practically destoryed. Craziness ova here. Absoloute Craziness.

Oh and my brother is a pastor.. that's cool.. but wierd.. veeeery wierd..

Goodnight - here's hoping for a normal sleep tonight..

Love always
Shle
xoxo

PS. People have started actually calling me Shle.. that's wierd when it's not whit or Tom..

wow......

my brother's a pastor!!!!! hehehehe

Congratualtions mike and cara! I love you both!



Love ashley
xoxo

No doubt about it

It's official.. I have a new love in my life.

Diego Luna..

ooohhhh what I wouldn't give to dance with this man

mmmmm guapo... guapo guapo guapo.. and it helps that he has a beautiful Mexican accent.. and beautiful Mexican hair.. and that he can dance..

reading

well helllooooo. No matter how I type it, it just doesn't seem the same as when I say it.. You know what I mean? I don't really think there's any way to explain that, other than things just arent the same written as they are said.. Behind spoken words you can put so much more. Hey I know how to elaborate on this one. You've all been on MSN before. Have you ever had a conversation where perhaps someone said something and you totally took it seriously, when in all reality they were bieng sarcastic or funny? You couldn't tell! Wanna know why!!!!? Cause not alot of people can put emotion into written word. Im speaking of course, only on a small scale, written conversations, one or two words here or there. Things are so different when it comes to stories or poetry and such. There are people out there who can write with such passion that you can feel the emotion with every single word you read. People who can write like that are fantabulous and make my life so exciting.

I started out blogging five minutes ago not having a clue what I was going to talk about. But here I am. You know what one of my passions is? Reading. I absoloutely love reading, but it's not often that I can find a book that actually keeps me enthralled from start to finish. Some of you may hate me for saying this, but I could not for the life of me, get into the J.R.R Tolken Books. I couldn't, I read the Hobbit from beginning to end and never wanted to stop reading a book so many times. Sometimes I'll read a Danielle steel Book, but honestly, once you've read one, you've read them all. Someone has a happy life then something horrible happens that disrupts everything, and then it takes them awhile to find happiness again in the bed of a next person.
yeah.. Obviously, I love Harry Potter , but there is only so many times I can read the six books that are out. If Rowling would write more Im sure I would read more..
Then there's Stephen King. He's a fabulous writer, I've read only two of his books, Dolores Claiborne and then Misery. I would like to get my hands on some more of his books, but some of them are a bit tooooo much if you know what I mean. I read two pages of pet cemetary I think, or was it Cujo? Either way, I read two pages of it and was freaaaaaked out so I didn't finish it. Alas, Mike has gone and taken all his books with him.
Ok you know who else I love? Nicholas Sparks..
I must have read seven of his books last year alone. However that's not saying much, his novels tend to be rather short and sweet. I loved the Notebook (duh) and A walk to remember.
It's easy to say that I really love Romance novels. Only if they're good. Not sleazy, and believe me, there's a TON of sleazy romance novels out thurr.
This leads me to write to you about Lori Wick
She's pretty much fantastic. She wrties Christian romance, both historical and .. now.. How do you say it? i dunno, anyways.. She writes such fabulous stories that once I start reading a book of hers, I have to read it start to finish. She is original, she doesn't do the same plots over again, each charachter is unique and just all around fabulous! when Im reading her books I can see everything in my mind..
She's pretty fabulous. Anyways.
Im gonna go ..

I pretty much like to read..

TTFN!

roll out

So last night I went to work at around eight thirty. Now some of you would think this to be strange, because starbucks closes at nine. Who starts work half an hour before the store closes!? Oh I do.. Last night was roll out. This means that we took down all our merchandise and our fall signs and everything that isn't christmas, and replaced it with Christmas stuff! It's so exciting, all our signage has changed to reflect the oncoming season, we have decorations galore, all our mugs and things are christmas themed, and it's just awesome! So we started at nine, and were planning on finishing around one am, but it ended up that it took us until three thirty in the morning! wooo it was so fun! we put on music (not starbucks music) and ate pizza and it was great! I was off at twelve thirty, and I went out to New west to go see Gerald, it was cool, then as Im driving back home, I noticed they were still in the store doing stuff, so I went back and stayed with them till 3:30.. It was a good bonding time, I love my manager and assistant manager, and it was just a great time..

Yeah that's all I have to say about that..

Im out for now..
Holla

Ashley

hee hee hee too funny!

Hey read these jokes.. I've said it before and I'll say it again - laughter is great for you!
Give er a try - thanks to mitch hedburgh

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy, y'know. Refrigerator, Toaster, Blender. You just say what the thing does, then you add "er". Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute: "What's this thing do?" "It keeps stuff fresh." "well, that's a 'Fresher'... I'm going on break."

I hate dreaming because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, y'know, like there I am laying on my comfortable bed. It's beautiful... next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man. I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend, "Don’t even act like you didn't get that doughnut." "I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home... in the file... under 'D'."

Y'know when they show someone on TV washing their hair under a waterfall? That's bullshit, man, cuz that thing would knock you on your ass.

I saw a lady with a flower. She was plucking out the petals. She was saying, "He loves me... he loves me not." Thank god the flower can't talk. What would it say? "SHIT! That hurts! Ah! That hurts as well. OW, leave me alone. I'm no longer pretty... and he loves you not. I could have told you I had an even number of petals!"

I have a cheese shredder at home, that's a positive name for a cheese shredder. They don't call it by its negative name, cause no one would buy it: sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge... that would melt easily over tortilla chips.

There's a commercial on late-night TV for this thing you attach to a garden hose. It says, "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product." Who the hell would make their plants hard to reach!? That seems so very mean. "I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully, they'll invent a product before you shrivel and die. Think like a cactus!"

The depressing thing about tennis is no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're friggen relentless.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here. Gotta go.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I went to the store, bought eight apples. The clerk said, "Do you want me to put 'em in a bag?" I said "Oh no, man, I juggle! But I can only juggle eight... if I'm ever here buying nine apples, bag em' up!"

Foosball messed up my perception of soccer. I thought you had to kick the ball and then spin 'round and round. I can't do a back flip, much less several... simultaneously with two other guys... that look just like me.

People teach their dogs to sit. It's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

can't think of an original post title

Ok I seriously want to have a baby just to be able to see him laugh like this kid. It's so beautiful.

Anyways, all that aside. I am having such a great time at work. I have never worked in a place that I've had so much fun. My manager at KFC was good, but then all the employees were ass-holes. My manager at Safeway was a cow, and that just didn't work out. We don't even need to get into subway, we all know what a nice guy Ranjit was. But seriously, My manager at starbucks is fabulous, she's so much fun, and she actually works hard to make sure that her employees are happy! How fab is that!?

Anyways.. I feel like I really don't know what else to blog about, because as of now, my life is only my work. I have nothing else to talk about!

OH IM SUCH A LIAR! I met Aidan this weekend. For those of you who don't know, (everyone but whitney) Aidan is whitneys new boyfriend! And Of course, I had to approve of him before anything else could happen! I met him this weekend, and I have never ever seen Whitney so happy. That made me happy. From what I saw he treats her like royalty, and he's super fun and they're just adorable together.
WOOOO that makes me uber excited. I guess that's all I really have to say about that.

I dunno, I just felt like blogging.
I guess Im gonna run for now, cause I really have nothing to talk about.
How sad..

Love always
Ashley

PS the new Evanescence Album is really awesome

Laughter

I love Laughter.. Thought this little one could brighten up your day..

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

Yeah we're a little early.


But you love it..

51 more days..

Love always
Shle

Xoxo

craziness!

you know, my last seven blogs have been about Buff and this whole situation, I think it's time that I move along, not so much that I forget about him (obviously) but to the extent where I don't dwell on the situation anymore.. What's done is done, and I can't live for the rest of my life in pain or in regret.

Yesterday my mom and I took out just a little tiny bit of our christmas decorations. We decided we would lighten the mood in the cove by turning on our christmas lights outside. This year I went CRAZY with the lights. We normally just do the house and that's it. But this year we did the house, the bush infront of the house, the porch, the railing on the stairs, and the tree that mike planted while he was still in elementary school (which is HUGE now)
It's so exciting. So yeah November first, the Schalins have thier Christmas lights up and on.

And so tonight when I came home from work with my peppermint mocha in hand (sooo goood) I felt sooo happy. I've said it before, and lots of people must think I'm crazy, but I love Christmas sooo much. To me it isnt a time of year. to me it's a feeling inside that just makes me sooo happy.
It's a feeling I get when I look at the lights twinkling in the snow (to be read: rain), when I see the christmas trees in the lot up at parkgate. When I hear christmas carols. You know how it goes. it just makes me insanely happy. And Im glad that I have something that can do that for me.

Im going to bed, Im opening starbucks tomorrow morning at five am! Wooo hoo!
By the way, that's going soooo goood! this is a job that can turn into something fabulous! We'll talk about that later!

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo