lose control just once

I know I talked about this already, but Im telling you, im so passionate about helping people who are less fortunate than myself, I can't help but want to talk about it! Last night I was on the phone with Gerald and we talked for an hour an a half about it - it turns out that he feels the same way about alot of the stuff I do.. He learned alot about me last night, all because I finally opened up and talked about something other than him. I finally opened my mouth and started telling him how I feel about things, which is probably good for our relationship... : )
anyways, I read him my article, which is what really started the whole conversation. he was so shocked, he couldn't talk. No Im not bragging, but I guess we had never talked about this kind of thing before, and he didn't know I had an opinion about it. So when I read it to him he was shocked into silence. He was so impressed that I wrote that and he said it made him think, and that it must have given alot of other people something to think about..
We got to talking about everything that's going on in this place we like to call home (North America, I guess) and we talked and talked and it was sooo good. I loved it, because I found that he is passionate about the same issues as I am, although his are slightly more politically based. I find that he tends to find the root of the problem, where as I am more concerned with doing something about it.. There's nothing wrong with either one, because without knowing the root of the problem, how can we solve it? Anyways.. This is kind of a mixed blog, both about Gerald and my love for helping people. Because we talked last night and I sort of let slip an Idea that I've been thinking over the last couple weeks. I am thinking that when I am farther along in the company, like a manager or something, then I can transfer over to a starbucks in southern california.. Then I can work in Tijuana... for alot less than it costs me to come from up here.
Mabye even one day just open up an orphanage or childrens home and live in Mexico for the rest of a looooong time. I think of that and my heart just starts beating like crazy, thinking about how much more help I could be to the people who captured my heart with a look..
I am so excited, and so mixed up at the same time. Can I really leave my family? Is this dream possible? is this dream what GOD wants in my life, and not just what I want in it?
Last night, Gerald asked me, "what if you have a husband up here?"
And I said "then mabye he'll be willing to make this his dream as well".. Is that right? is that selfish of me? Im wondering, with that question, if I need to worry about something like that right now.. im gonna go with a no.. That's something I can worry about when it comes.. If it's ever an issue at all.

Anyways.. just some thoughts. I want to serve God and the people of Mexico.. and It occured to me that this might just be one way I can do it..

nuff Love for tonight and always
Ashley
Xoxo