Friday, March 30, 2007
moving on
Everywhere I look, it seems as though I'm surrounded by memories. I see a certian tree and remember when I was a little girl, all the adventures I had - I see a room, and think of when I last saw the person who lived there. A car, and a time when we drove around and had a good time together, just talking or laughing. A photo - a person who can't be here anymore. And so on and so forth - As I sit here right now, im consumed with the past and with happy memories that I will never forget - no matter where I live. It's hard to look at the house you've lived in your whole life and imagine it any other way than it is right now - but things change, people change, and life moves so fast sometimes you can't keep up. We're running to catch up right now, and struggling not to leave behind a whole assortment of memories and happy things.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
something I don't quite understand
why is it that when people who have accents sing, they don't have accents anymore? ?
can someone explain that to me? ?
on the real tho.. I dont get it..
can someone explain that to me? ?
on the real tho.. I dont get it..
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
mister wrong
I honestly feel like everyone I know is changing, everything I thought to be true is no longer that way, and the whole world is moving along as if nothing is wrong at all.
I haven't spoken to my best friend for about a month, and it's not like we've fought or anything, I guess we just both have lives, and I'm too stubborn to call all the time - when I know this person is just gonna be busy.
Also, my other best friend is in some other country and has been for a looooong time and I've heard from him only once which is more than I actually expected - but either way it's been a long time and I miss him alot right now.
I keep getting disappointed and let down again and again by a certain boy who say's he'll come over or that he'll call and then he never does. So I've stopped calling him and then he calls - can you say frustrating? I'm so sick of all of this - I hate playing this game - I just feel this overwhelming need to have someone in my life who's gonna take care of me, who's gonna love me and who's gonna be there for me, as well as allowing me to be there for him and love him, and I'm SO sick of the wrong ones - where is the right one?
I keep filling my life with all the wrong types of boys and I'm starting to feel the repercussions of those boys - they never really filled any spaces in my heart, just time and energy and I feel sick and tired of it.
I feel like I have no direction in my life right now - I feel stuck and like no matter where I turn there's nothing but where Im at right now and no way to escape it.
bah
I haven't spoken to my best friend for about a month, and it's not like we've fought or anything, I guess we just both have lives, and I'm too stubborn to call all the time - when I know this person is just gonna be busy.
Also, my other best friend is in some other country and has been for a looooong time and I've heard from him only once which is more than I actually expected - but either way it's been a long time and I miss him alot right now.
I keep getting disappointed and let down again and again by a certain boy who say's he'll come over or that he'll call and then he never does. So I've stopped calling him and then he calls - can you say frustrating? I'm so sick of all of this - I hate playing this game - I just feel this overwhelming need to have someone in my life who's gonna take care of me, who's gonna love me and who's gonna be there for me, as well as allowing me to be there for him and love him, and I'm SO sick of the wrong ones - where is the right one?
I keep filling my life with all the wrong types of boys and I'm starting to feel the repercussions of those boys - they never really filled any spaces in my heart, just time and energy and I feel sick and tired of it.
I feel like I have no direction in my life right now - I feel stuck and like no matter where I turn there's nothing but where Im at right now and no way to escape it.
bah
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Do blog titles have to pertain to what's in them?
I frustrate myself.
I find it easy, so foolishly easy, to trust those who I know I shouldnt, and I do not trust those who would actually benifit me. In November, I chose to trust a friend of mine with my name, and my credit, which has not yet gone to dust, but would have had I not come to my senses any sooner. You see..
oh wait before I even get into this story, I need to tell you this - Don't tell me how stupid this was of me, I've heard quite enough of that THANK YOU..
Anyways back to the story - I went with this friend of mine to the telus store, he bought two very expensive phones and got three year contracts for each one. Problem bieng that they were under MY name.. First couple of months went alright - bills got paid - then they started getting a little bit bigger. The first bill was for about $160 - Two phones, no big deal right. Then it went up to $230. then $250 - this last one was for $300.. So far - He owes me $850 - and since he doesnt live in this city getting that money is not proving to be as easy as I thought it would be. I even went to Calgary to see if I could get the money - but nooooooooo of course I didn't see him when I was there. Soo foolish! ! ! So I looked into it - go on and guess how much it's gonna cost to cancel the two contracts. $1200.... So either way you look at it, IM screwed. Im taking responsibility for this, only because it was me who was stupid enough in the first place to agree to this foolish contract. anyways so yeah, Im screwed. But it's so annoying, because I knew damn well that he wouldnt be responsible for the phone bills - Because I know what kind of person he is (not that he's a horrid person, don't start) but I know what he does, I know what he's involved in and I should have left it where it was when I left calgary last year.
Damn I frustrate myself.
Aside from that shit, some good stuff is happening. Relationships that haven't been too good, yet that I've been to cowardly to end myself have fallen away, with no help from me, which is good, because I suck at getting rid of bad things in my life. Anyways three people/relationships that have been pretty crappy for me are over, and Im not upset about them in any way shape or form, which is always great.
Next : stupid Jamaicans keep popping back into my life - via the telephone. Sometimes I honestly think I'd be better off If I had never called any of them EVER. Scratch that. Not sometimes. All the time..
what else is going on, oh yes, we're selling our house, and it's frustrating. Because of more than one reason. One of them is that our realtor doesnt seem to think he needs to give us too much notice before he wants to do a showing or an open house, and that's just annoying. Another reason is that people don't always have positive things to say about our house, and that's hurtful because it's like, hey, that's my home. I've lived there for 20 years, never had too much of a problem with it.. like show some respect, right?
ugg, also been having some family issues with the whole extended part of that. stupid people and stupid drugs and stupid kids getting kicked out of thier parents houses left and right and I dont want to deal with it.. but here we are, part of this family so we have to -
you want more? well here's the motherload - I dont know what the HELL to do with my life.
Figure that one out for me and I'll be happy.
No, we're not moving to alberta.. almost wish we were, it might be easier than all this..
yes anyways Im gonna go watch braveheart - I need a good serious long movie to distract me from all these freaking thoughts in my head and heart.
or do I? ?
peace out
I find it easy, so foolishly easy, to trust those who I know I shouldnt, and I do not trust those who would actually benifit me. In November, I chose to trust a friend of mine with my name, and my credit, which has not yet gone to dust, but would have had I not come to my senses any sooner. You see..
oh wait before I even get into this story, I need to tell you this - Don't tell me how stupid this was of me, I've heard quite enough of that THANK YOU..
Anyways back to the story - I went with this friend of mine to the telus store, he bought two very expensive phones and got three year contracts for each one. Problem bieng that they were under MY name.. First couple of months went alright - bills got paid - then they started getting a little bit bigger. The first bill was for about $160 - Two phones, no big deal right. Then it went up to $230. then $250 - this last one was for $300.. So far - He owes me $850 - and since he doesnt live in this city getting that money is not proving to be as easy as I thought it would be. I even went to Calgary to see if I could get the money - but nooooooooo of course I didn't see him when I was there. Soo foolish! ! ! So I looked into it - go on and guess how much it's gonna cost to cancel the two contracts. $1200.... So either way you look at it, IM screwed. Im taking responsibility for this, only because it was me who was stupid enough in the first place to agree to this foolish contract. anyways so yeah, Im screwed. But it's so annoying, because I knew damn well that he wouldnt be responsible for the phone bills - Because I know what kind of person he is (not that he's a horrid person, don't start) but I know what he does, I know what he's involved in and I should have left it where it was when I left calgary last year.
Damn I frustrate myself.
Aside from that shit, some good stuff is happening. Relationships that haven't been too good, yet that I've been to cowardly to end myself have fallen away, with no help from me, which is good, because I suck at getting rid of bad things in my life. Anyways three people/relationships that have been pretty crappy for me are over, and Im not upset about them in any way shape or form, which is always great.
Next : stupid Jamaicans keep popping back into my life - via the telephone. Sometimes I honestly think I'd be better off If I had never called any of them EVER. Scratch that. Not sometimes. All the time..
what else is going on, oh yes, we're selling our house, and it's frustrating. Because of more than one reason. One of them is that our realtor doesnt seem to think he needs to give us too much notice before he wants to do a showing or an open house, and that's just annoying. Another reason is that people don't always have positive things to say about our house, and that's hurtful because it's like, hey, that's my home. I've lived there for 20 years, never had too much of a problem with it.. like show some respect, right?
ugg, also been having some family issues with the whole extended part of that. stupid people and stupid drugs and stupid kids getting kicked out of thier parents houses left and right and I dont want to deal with it.. but here we are, part of this family so we have to -
you want more? well here's the motherload - I dont know what the HELL to do with my life.
Figure that one out for me and I'll be happy.
No, we're not moving to alberta.. almost wish we were, it might be easier than all this..
yes anyways Im gonna go watch braveheart - I need a good serious long movie to distract me from all these freaking thoughts in my head and heart.
or do I? ?
peace out
Saturday, March 10, 2007
broken
Would the story ending be fiction or real?
Are the words I hear you saying just in my dream?
Is this my imagination getting the best of me?
If the magic between us is not just in my head
And the strength that holds us together is stronger than thread
Then why are we pretending that we can let go
Turn our backs on the best thing we've ever known
I know you cannot look in my eyes
Deep down we can't lie
We're both broken inside
As we lie here together in the dark we're worlds apart,
I know This is the end
If I could just close my eyes would you re-appear?
Would the story ending change if we started over again
Can I take back the words that I didn't mean
Say the words aloud that you didn't hear
I know you cannot look in my eyes
Deep down we can't lie
we're both broken inside
as we lie here together in the dark we're worlds apart,
I know this is the end
Oh this is the end
no more late night phone calls
No more me no more you
No more tables for two
Oh this is the end No more anniversaries
No more holding on to what we used to be
If I just opened my eyes would you re-appear
would the story ending change
if we started over again?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
Ashley is OLD
Wow yesterday was .... interesting... alright i lied, it wasn't interesting, it was downright messed up... You'd think everything would be chill on your 20th bday, that you'd get a few phone calls, a couple cards and have a nice relaxing day right? Naw.. The morning was alright, I went to church and we had a nice time then we came home, and me and my mom were sitting in my room listening to music when all the sudden my little cousin calls out of nowhere, crying asking for my mom, and im like "Oh shit.. "
Turns out she had been fighting with her mom and was getting kicked out, and you know me, of course Im gonna be there for her and go pick her up right? I was on my way out the door when they called back and said they'd call the cops if I came to pick her up .... Needless to say I had a bad day, I was really mad about the whole situation, and matters didn't get better when my grandfather came over and screamed at us for about 20 minutes telling us to leave her on the streets if that's where she wants to be and that if any of us got into fights with our parents, he wouldn't take us in, and blah blah blah - it was a really really hard day and I just could barely take it... Anyways..
Now im 20 ... it's wierd and I dont feel any different, aside from the fact that when people ask how old I am, I can say 20.. Next year will be even better cause then the whole world will recognize me as an adult..
craaaazy
Anyways Im out - Nicole is here for the next bit, I've got to do some packing today and stuff so yeah
Peace out
xoxo
Turns out she had been fighting with her mom and was getting kicked out, and you know me, of course Im gonna be there for her and go pick her up right? I was on my way out the door when they called back and said they'd call the cops if I came to pick her up .... Needless to say I had a bad day, I was really mad about the whole situation, and matters didn't get better when my grandfather came over and screamed at us for about 20 minutes telling us to leave her on the streets if that's where she wants to be and that if any of us got into fights with our parents, he wouldn't take us in, and blah blah blah - it was a really really hard day and I just could barely take it... Anyways..
Now im 20 ... it's wierd and I dont feel any different, aside from the fact that when people ask how old I am, I can say 20.. Next year will be even better cause then the whole world will recognize me as an adult..
craaaazy
Anyways Im out - Nicole is here for the next bit, I've got to do some packing today and stuff so yeah
Peace out
xoxo
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