Reality

These past few weeks at home have really been eye-opening for me. Not only have things changed here, but I have changed as well.
Ever since my trip to Mexico, upon which I base my change, things have been soo good. Ok, so my dad is sick, and that's been really hard to deal with, but now I feel I can deal with it in a more positive and encouraging way, both for me and my family. Instead of dealing with it by hiding in my room and my music, as I once would have, I think I have learned to face it head on. There is not much I can do about my dad's sickness, but instead of returning it with anger, I have tried to deal with it in a patient and loving manner. Of course, Im not nearly perfect, and I have snapped at my dad now and then, today even.. But I've noticed now that it's getting better.
I look back now and realize that I did not deal with my moms sickness well at all. I remember writing in my journal, something along the lines of never bieng able to deal with it at all. I wonder how bad things would be in this house if I chose not to deal with my dad's as well.. at least when mom was sick, I had mike living at home and able to help me out of trouble and to shut me up when nessicary. But as I said - things are different now. True, I am older, I have learned alot since those days, some things good, some I learned from heartache. But I have learned.
When I was in Mexico, I often spent hours at a time in silence, just thinking my life over. There were so many things I could see that needed to change, and I finally took those final steps to change them. Over the past year, I've been saying "yeah, I need to change," but never doing anything about it..
I am so thankful that I finally was able to move on from the life I lead these last two years, hopefully into the person that God has called me to be.. Or at least closer to that person..

This is a scattered entry, but it comes from me. I figure if you're reading this, you know me, and so it makes at least a little bit of sense..

I love ya, thanks for reading..

Love always
Ashley
Xoxo

In Christ Alone, my hope is found
he is my light, my strenght, my song
this cornerstone, this solid ground
firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
when fears are calmed, when strivings cease,
My comfortor, my all in all,
Here in the love of Christ I stand