A poem

Drowning

I look at you, and my anger rages like an ocean
A vast sea of wasted feelings
And precious time
I’m hurt by the things you say and do to me
And the things you don’t think I’ll hear
Or you don’t think that I’ll find out
But they always find their way back to me
And the gaps and oceans between us
Grow wider, vaster and deeper
Words get between us until
Neither of us know what to say anymore
And nothing is left to do but
turn around and walk the other way….
Telling lies to let the other one know
Who’s not been hurt the most
When really all it does is tear me up inside.
My empty heart is screaming
Fighting against the currents of love and hate
Pulling away from each other
Like the moon and the ocean
As we grow farther apart.
I want to talk To try and work things out
Repair the rift that keeps on growing
But words get in the way
We get angrier and more frustrated
But how do I explain how I feel?
How much I want to go back to
When we used to whisper between classes
Go to the movies
Share clothes, eat ice cream and giggle.
Back to the time when we’d spend the night
Making faces, laughing so hard that we’d cry.
Doing all the things that used to be important
But are now forbidden.
Because one of us might let out guard down
And say or do something that will hurt the other.
When truthfully, dancing around to crazy loud music
Tripping up the stairs, and strange pictures
Are things only best friends can understand.
Somehow as I sit here and write this
Not because I want to, But Because I have to, for you and for myself,
The rift.. It’s not healing this time.. And I’m no longer smiling
I know you’ll read this I’d like to think you’ll understand it and me,
But I don’t think you will
Because it turns out that you don’t seem to know me at all..

January 6 2006