Girls are horrible inventions...

So I've oficially decided that I do not like girls.. Nooo you goof, not like that, but in general.
So I was walking towards the doors on the C-Train with some of my friends, and this girl looks me up and down, and made a very rude comment about my clothes. I stopped, bieng the bold sort of fool that I am, and said really loudly, without looking at her, "Do you have to be so blatantly rude?" and then I kept walking. When she got off the train a few stops later, she gave me the dirtiest look as she passed outside my window, and I, of course, returned it.. Im so bad.. anyways.. She tried to get back on the train, to beat me up, but her boyfriend held her back. It would have been funny to see her try, because she was scrawny, and I was alot madder than she was.. But still, it would have been dangerous, I'm glad she didnt get back on the train. Oh well. So I saw three movies in the last three nights. The first, and best of all, was "Walk the Line" starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese WitherspoonIt was by far the most amazing movie I've ever seen. I absoloutely loved it, and it helped that Joaquin Phoenix was absoloutely gorgeous. mmm mmm. So I went to go see that with my brother, it was wonderful, and I was singing Johnny Cash songs the rest of the night. The second movie that I went to go see, was called "Brokeback Mountian" and I would not reccomend it.. at all.. I mean, the acting was good, and it was a well produced movie, but I do not like what it stood for, I do not like that it makes it OK to be homosexual, and I do not like that it dragged on forever and ever.. It needed to end alot sooner than it did. Oh well.. So Tonight, hence the C-Train ride, I went to go see Pride and Prejudice. It was a wonderful movie, and my friends and I (The cool ones) spoke in british accents the whole way home. In fact, I am thinking these very words in a british accent. Ha haha. So anyways, it was a wonderful movie, and I dont think that It ruined the original at all, not like I've seen it.. But someone I know said that the whole point was for him to fall in love with a not beautiful girl, and though Kiera Knightly is pretty, she was very plain in this movie.. So they didnt ruin the whole movie at all. At some points, it was difficult to understand what the actors were saying, and of course, I was distracted every time Mr. Darcy came on the screen.. He is very attractive.. Ha hahahahah Has to be one in every movie, right? At least, when I go to see one. So yes, that was basically my last three nights balled into one.
Now I think I'd like to talk about relationships.. Like.. Ideal.. proper relationships..
I think that in order to have a real relationship, the two people involved must be able to talk to one another. Wouldnt you agree? What kind of a relationship is it when the conversation never goes beyond how are you, ok, call me later....
This is so hard for me to talk about. You see, for the past 18 months, I have been in that sort of relationship.. and technically, I am still in it... But I've only just come to realize that I can't do it any longer. and it's killing me, not to think that I was wrong and everyone else right, but to think that I do love Treston.. and It's going to kill me and him to end this, but I cannot do it anymore.
It's all wrong for me. I need someone who is going to be there for me, and know me, and respect me, and encourage me in the areas I need to be encouraged. Now don't get me wrong, I do not want you to think that Treston is a bad person, because he is not, he is a good man. But I need to respect myself, and I am not, by constantly revolving my life around him. I'd like to think that i'll be able to just shrug this whole thing off, and continue on with my life as if this never happened, but I will not.. I am broken by this. I am hurt.. But I also do realize that I have people around me who love me, and who will be there for me when I need them.
My only regret is that my family will not get to meet the man who was a part of my life for almost two years. I know some of my family did not want to meet him, or acknowledge him, but he was a part of my life. Still is, by the looks of it, I havent quite had the chance to talk to him yet. He's always busy, and I am so scared to make this call. You see, I know Treston, and I know that he is going to get angry at me, and hang up the phone, and wait for me to weaken, like I have in the past, and call him back, begging for him to talk to me.. But I cannot do that this time. I cannot weaken myself, I have to let it go. It seems that I have lost quite a few things in and around this general time. But I have to keep in mind, that God has a plan for my life, and perhaps that plan was bieng hindered by the relationships I've lost, and perhaps it is going to be helped by the ones I'm going to gain, and am gaining as I talk.. type.. this out..
Tricia got back to vancovuer yesterday, and suprisingly, hasnt tried to call me. In a way, that hurts me more than what she did. But at the same time, I dont expect much more, because she has no idea that what she has done to me is so wrong. She also has no idea who I am, after all this time. Which is why I cannot continue this relationship. If she wanted to make the effort, then she would have a long time ago.. but she doesnt. anyways, I dont want to talk about that right now.. I just need to get this whole thing over with, and put it behind me. I can't pretend that it will be easy, I want to cry now just thinking about it... ARRRRRGGG I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...
Ok you know what's really funny? My lovely, supportive brother, is soooooo excited that I'm finally making a smart decision, that he like... dances around whenever I talk about it.. Oh goodness, what would I do without him? Not much... I guess.
*Sigh*
So on monday, mike and I are going to watch Hotel Rwanda, and my friend Corey is going to come over for dinner, then, if I am depressed, we'll have a girly night, with ice cream, and funny movies... Should be interesting. I just dont know what to do..
Ok, this has been a deep and yet randomly sparratic update, and so now I'm going to go, have a good night.. Tomorrow's going to be a hard day..
Much love forever

Ashley
xoxo

" Shine, make them wonder what you've got
Make them wish that they were not
On the outside looking bored
Shine, Let it shine before all man
Let them praise Him once again
Let them glorify the Lord."