be my valentine?

I sometimes wish that I could fill this blog with tales of romance and love and all that jazz, and today would be the appropriate day to do so, IF .. if.. if only that were my life.. but it's not, when you think about it. I like to talk about all the romance and adventure in my life, but really - what do I know? All I could tell you about are a few special kisses here and there, a moment in the rain holding hands, stolen glances from across the room. But none of that is real ! None of that is true romance.. that's all hollywood - the kind of romance that I want to talk to you about is entirely different, and overlooked by a whole heap of people.

Have you ever watched the sunrise? have you listened to the rain fall in a forest? have you been to the praries, and looked out for miles and miles to the horizon? Have you seen the stars in the heavens? Have you ever seen anything as beautiful as the gifts that God gives us? ?
This.. this is the kind of romance that I am longing for. To be satisfied with the fact that the God of the universe loves me and has given me (us) all these amazing gifts - in order to romance me.. Now some of you may take this statement the wrong way and jump to the conclusion that God wants to be "romantic" with me, in the way that a man is with a woman but this is not what I mean at all. To me, romance is intamacy - and believe me, God desires intimacy with me! He wants to be my closest friend, he wants to love me to be able to satisfy me in all the ways that no human relationship ever could. Think about it. When I get married - there's going to be fights.. there will be disagreements. and no man is perfect, no man can promise me that he will never break my heart. But God can. I wish it was as easy for me to live life the way I type it out.. Because I wish that God was my only desire. I wish I didnt want a husband so badly. I wish I didnt feel the need for a man to make my life complete. I wishthat I could be entirely satisfied with only GOD.. I know that's what he wants. I know that's part of his perfect plan - but my human nature won't allow for that ..Don't get me wrong.. I am very thankful for all the gifts god has given me.. I am grateful for his love and for his romance and his faithfulness. but for me it's not enough. and I hate that fact. I hate that everything God has to offer me isnt enough ! I don't want to be selfish. I know deep down that no man could EVER offer me what God has.. but still I feel like a husband is a part of God's gift to me..
(OK I know this blog might not make much sense, but im rambling here, mabye it does anyways) I only wish that it would be in my own timing.. BUT of course it's not, because if I got everything I wanted when I wanted it I'm pretty sure my life would be messed up right now. Think about it. A few years back, I wanted to be with Treston(jamaica) forever. How different would my life be had I gotten what I wanted? It's crazy to look back and realize that God does have a plan- it's crazy to look back at all the pain and realize that it's worth it now.. And it's crazy to think that things will work themselves out for my future, even though I've seen God work things out before.
I know these thoughts are scattered. but that's because I am scattered right now. I want God to be my only desire, yet I want a husband (soo much)... You see? scattered.

Anyways folks, I hope your valentines day was special, no matter if you're single or if you've got someone special in your lives. I hope you take the time to think in the future about the romance you have in your life - the romance that GOD brings you..

Love you all..

Forever
Shle xoxo