More than one night

I went to chapel today, and on my way home, Walking, once again, by Max, I saw her. The little girl that I had tried to help the other night. I suppose I was slightly shocked, but a part of me knew I'd see her there again. My first thought was that everything I did for the girl didnt really sink in. It was useless. She spent the night at the shelter last night, and now she's back at it. I had hoped, for real, that some of what we talked about would have gotten to her, but It didnt.
So I was discouraged for most of the day - wondering why I even bothered to help her. But now, as I sit here and write about it, I know that there was a reason. If God planted the tinest seed in that girls mind or heart, it takes time to grow. Mabye one day she'll look back and remember the stuff we talked about. I guess I can't really expect the girl to just change right away, I guess stuff like that takes time. But I wont give up on her. I'll keep her in my mind - and I'll pray for her too. I can only do so much, right? So I guess I'll just keep doin what I've been doing, and wait for a change.
This is my one hundreth (sp?) blog. I feel like there should be soooo many more entries, but I guess I just have to be inspired, I can't write every day. I'd love to, but there's just not enough that happens in my life for me to be able to do that. Lately I've been so busy! I havent even had time to call my friends or family - which is rare for me. I dont even know what I've been busy with, I just havent been able to find the time, or mabye it's the energy - to call all the people I usually talk to everyday.
I was in Mcdonalds today, with Alison. Looking around at the people there made me think about alot of stuff. Like why people destroy their own lives for a quick fix, on crack or whatever they are doing. Seriously, is it worth the money these people pay, for a five minute high? You do your drugs, then you need them again - I guess I never really paid attention to stuff like that. Where does this stuff come from? What could be so bad in life that could turn a person to smoke crack? or do Heroin or E or Meth? Even Ganja! I just dont understand it... I hope that I never really will, either. Cause If I understand it, that means that I'm on the other end of the crack pipe, and I dont want to be there, ever.
When we were walking home, this little girl came up to me and asked me if I needed Trees or food. I asked her how old she was. This girl is fourteen years old. The same age as my little cousin. And she's working for .. god only knows who... selling drugs. She was a pretty girl.. But I guess behind evey pretty face, there is a story. These two black girls were hanging around mcdonalds too, couldn't have been more than 16 years old. I mean.. seriously. I can understand wanting to be out of the house on a friday night, but what a place to spend it.
Surrounded by crack heads, dealers and gangsters. People who are wearing bullett proof vests and packing heat, always looking behind thier backs for the cops. What Kind of life is that?
A life of constant fear and suspision, always looking over your shoulder. I dont understand how that appeals to people. Sure, I guess you make money, but.. man, I just dont know.
It's the life that they talk about in Rap. It's the life that I've only ever been able to picture from stuff I'd seen on TV. But Now, I look carefully, and that life is lived right infront of my eyes. The people that I see from day to day, they live that life.
And all I can do right now is pray.

PEACE, LOVE AND RESPECT ALWAYS

Bless
Ashley
xoxo

Home by three
Deafening quiet
The porch light’s off
Yes they forgot it
She’d cry herself to sleep
But she don’t dare
Then she wants to be a model
She wants to hear she’s beautiful
She’s beautiful
I want to save you
I want to save you
I need you
Save me too
I want to save you