I always used to think that I'd just grow up and live forever - but each year that I grew, reality closed in around me, and stole the childlike innocence in which I believed.
Death is now such a reality to me, it's all around me. Sickness, suffering, ... death. So much pain, so many bad things have happened to this family - I'm starting to wonder if we can even take any more.
I was just thinking about how I've seen my parents this year two times more than I should have, because of a death. Im so sick of all this grief. I'm going home in less than three weeks. I am super excited, but at the same time, I'm scared, because I know that bieng back at home with all my family will get me thinking about the people I've lost this year. I dont want to think about them.. It's hard.. It's painful... It's even more difficult for me when other people haven't let go of their grief yet.. I just dont know..
Sometimes I wish that I could go back to bieng a little kid, I miss the inncocence.. .I miss climbing my cherry tree.. I miss playing roller hockey in the back lane and getting so excited when I heard the sound of an ice cream truck..
I just miss bieng a kid...
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world.
I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all....
Shle xoxo
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